In need of sleep

I am tired (exhausted) and we actually lose an extra hour of sleep tonight (in addition to however many hours Kohen would like).  He happens to be in his crib right now and he's been there for about twenty minutes, a new record.  He has been on top of me his first three nights of life outside the womb so I would be agreeable to having a little sleep in my own bed tonight as opposed to on the chair in his room.  My milk is in now so my hopeful expectation is that he'll be able to nurse and go back to sleep.

Kohen during a moment when he wasn't feeding!

We had an appointment at 8:15 this morning at the hospital for another blood test to check his bilirubin level.  We didn't receive a call to say he needed treatment so it should be fine.  The lovely nurse was a gift from God as she was also a lactation consultant and was able to give me a few more tips for nursing as well as ideas for how to help Isaac during this transition period.

Speaking of Isaac, he now seems HUGE to me.  I think the same thing happened when Josiah was born.  My big-little boy disappeared overnight.  Isaac asked to hold Josiah twice today but he didn't want any pictures taken.

Isaac enjoys being the big brother

I'm missing Josiah.  I've caught myself singing to Kohen and then I realize that I've used Josiah's name in the song and I've called him Josiah by mistake (though when Isaac was born I called him by his cousin's name for quite a while so it might just be something that I do).  I now know what Kohen looks like but I have no idea what Josiah would look like at almost 23 months old, if he were here.  I don't know what he'd be able to do.  Of course, I knew with the exhaustion and hormones, I'd be more emotional.  It's only hit me a couple of times so far but I'm thankful for tears.  Isaac also mentioned to my mom that he missed Baby Josiah when we were in the hospital after Kohen's birth.

This is the first time I've brought a baby home before five days old.  I knew the nickname for the second night home so I was prepared and I also knew that allowing Kohen as much "access" as he wanted (all night long as it turned out) should get my milk in faster so it wasn't so bad, just exhausting. 

I feel quite good physically (better than I did with the others) so I'm thankful for that.  Kohen is lovely and nice to hold and snuggle.  He's so soft and the perfect size.  

I like that Kohen was born on the day my grandfather passed away nineteen years ago.  I was privileged to be there with other family members in his room in Northern Ireland when he went to be with Jesus.   

Okay - it's time to try to get some sleep.  Thank you for your prayers and for all the encouraging emails!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all of our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Introducing Baby Faulkner

Note: this may be the longest birth announcement you'll read. =)

E (Elizabeth) became
F (Faulkner) when she married
G (Graham) and they had
H (Heaven's Little One - ectopic pregnancy 2008-2008),
I (Isaac Kenneth Russell Faulkner 2010),
J (Josiah Nathanael Gabriel Faulkner 2012-2013),

and ...

DRUM ROLL PLEASE ...

K (Kohen Andrew Miles Faulkner)

Kohen - This is the Hebrew word for priest in the Old Testament.  It's a title as opposed to a given name in the Old Testament, used for any type of priest.  We felt this was appropriate as the New Testament talks about Christians being a "royal priesthood" who proclaim the praises of God in 1 Peter 2:9 ("But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light...").  Our desire is that our Kohen would choose to proclaim the praises of Jesus.

Andrew - This name means "strong and manly", a great name for a little man like Kohen! He was also one of the original 12 disciples of Jesus and was instrumental in introducing his brother to Jesus.  We pray that Kohen, like that Andrew, can bring others to Jesus.  As well, Andrew is also Kohen's uncle who was instrumental in bringing Graham and Elizabeth together and is a great role model for Kohen, just like his other three amazing uncles.  

Miles -  This name has a variety of meanings, depending on the language, ranging from "soldier" to "merciful or generous".  We think being a merciful, generous fighter for truth and justice will help Kohen as he navigates this world.  It is also the surname of a special family we know who taught us so much about loving a child with complex medical needs, which was inspirational when we were journeying through Josiah's short life. We pray that Kohen will follow Jesus as they do.


Kohen arrived at 12:23 PM and weighed 8 lbs 13.5 oz - our biggest boy yet!  We arrived at the hospital at 8:00 AM and checked into the room at 10:00 AM, so he was also our fastest baby yet.

Elizabeth and Kohen are doing great, and he nursed well right away and has enjoyed sleeping on her since they cleaned him up after delivery.  He also enjoyed some cuddles with Graham and his grandparents and meeting his big brother.

Isaac was excited to meet his new brother this afternoon. He said a number of times, unprompted, "I love Kohen", so things are off to a good start. =)

We will be camped out at the hospital overnight but should be able to return home tomorrow. 

Thanks for your prayers.

Blessings,

Graham and Elizabeth

All about Isaac

Isaac's new teacup

Happy March!!!  I guess we're having a March baby, though Baby Faulkner seems quite content to hang out inside me.  He's probably hoping for some warmer weather before his arrival.  On Tuesday my doctor said that his head was still quite high.

Isaac hasn't been feeling well yesterday or today so we'll be spending the day at home tomorrow.  He had just had his bath last night and Graham was joking with him in his room.  He suddenly said, "All this talking is making me sick." and then a few moments later he was sick.  May God bless all the single moms who deal with sick children by themselves.  I'm thankful Graham and I can work together. 

Last Sunday Isaac said he didn't want to go to church, letting us know that "Bob the Builder doesn't go to church."  I wasn't ready for this.  I alternated between saying that he does go to church, he should go to church and talked about why we go to church.  

We were watching some of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics last week.  We asked Isaac what he would like to be in the Olympics.  We were waiting to hear which sport he would choose when he told us that he would be a doctor there.  At the time of this conversation, there was an orchestra playing on the screen so I asked him if he'd like to also play in the orchestra (preferably a bassoon or cello) but he said no.  :)  He prefers to focus on one thing at a time.

I enjoyed this random conversation with Isaac this past week:

Isaac: There was a driver on top of the wall. Humpty Dumpty looked up and said, "What are you doing up there?"  Then the driver fell off the wall.
Mommy: Is that where Humpty Dumpty got the idea to fall?
Isaac: No.  Jack and Jill gave him the idea.

Perhaps instead of a doctor he'll be a professor of comparative literature. :)

I did not enjoy this conversation with Isaac while at the breakfast table:

Mommy: Isaac, what are you making for dinner tonight?
Isaac: No.
Mommy: No?  What do you mean?
Isaac: Woman.
Mommy: Pardon me?!
Isaac: You.
Mommy: Do you know that men can also make dinner?!
[At this point Graham decides to add that the top chefs are men!]
Isaac: I'm still little.

He knows that men bake as he likes to bake with me but usually he plays while I prepare dinner.  I guess I should find a way to include him. 

I bought a small tea cup set for Isaac (I guess it's actually an espresso set) so that we can enjoy tea time together after Baby Faulkner arrives.  Hopefully it will be a special time for the two of us.  He likes drinking tea (mainly milk). 

Sometimes in the morning I ask Isaac if he wants to write Daddy a note on his napkin to put into his lunch bag.  Isaac tells me what to write.  He sometimes needs a little prompting at the end.  I liked this one from earlier this week (see photo below).  He always goes and shows Graham his note before packing it.

Isaac's napkin note for Daddy

I can't cry directly about Josiah.  I need to become sad about something else first and then I can sort of transfer my thoughts to Josiah and be sad about him.  This week I was sad about all that Josiah had to go through - all the pain and suffering. 

This week while in the waiting room at my doctor's office I heard a woman say that she was pregnant with her fourth child.  I thought to myself that this should be my fourth child.  It is my fourth child, though I just have one at home instead of three (we lost our first baby due to an ectopic pregnancy). 

I recently received mail addressed to Josiah to let me know that his health card expires in April.  Apparently I need to order a death certificate to cancel his health card, even though it will be expired and I won't be able to use it.  If I do cancel it then they will take the health card from me.  I like having it in my wallet.  I guess I'll order a death certificate to have on hand. 

It's been another productive day.  The laundry is done, the house is neater, and I even submitted insurance claims, including the last two for Josiah - one for his ambulance charge last May (we weren't charged for his final ambulance ride) and one for his face mask to take ventolin.  I didn't realize these would be covered until recently.  It's an extra good day because all of the socks in Isaac's drawer have a matching partner. 

Thank you for your continued prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Matthew 22:37-39
And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment.  And a second is like it:  You shall love your neighbour as yourself." 

No baby yet

Isaac in the fire engine

No baby yet!   On Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I actually felt quite uncomfortable with a lot of pelvic discomfort, especially when getting up and down and those first few steps when walking.  I was a little shocked.  If this is how some women feel most of the time, I now understand why they'd want labour to arrive as soon as possible.  Thankfully I was back to normal on Thursday and I'm feeling good.

Today was another productive day.  Thankfully our home is quite a bit cleaner than it was yesterday.  Isaac had a Daddy Date this morning.  They went out for breakfast and then had a walk in the cemetery followed by a trip to the library.  Graham worked on our income tax papers this afternoon. 

Isaac in the back seat of the fire engine

Last Monday, on Family Day, we were all able to enjoy a birthday party for one of Isaac's friends.  We had a good time visiting a local fire station followed by some yummy food at our friends' home, including an impressive fire engine cake.

Often Isaac will ask me a question and I'll let him know that we can "look up" the answer (referring to Google).  On the way home from church last week we had this conversation in the car:
Isaac: "I looked up 'thrice' and it said 'three times.'"
Mommy: "Where did you look it up?"
Isaac: "I just looked it up in my head.  My brain put it in my head."  

During one bath time this week Graham said to Isaac: "The soap helps us say to the dirt, "See you later.""  Isaac responded, "But if we say, 'See you later,' the dirt will come back."

I was able to have coffee with a friend this week.  I'm enjoying the freedom while I still have it.  I plan and hope to nurse the baby on demand for quite a while so I expect that will limit my evening outings (that along with the anticipated exhaustion).

One of my dear sister-in-laws blessed us with cloth diapers that arrived in the mail this week.  I'm excited to start that again.  We used cloth diapers for Isaac but not for Josiah.  

It's time to head to bed.  Thanks for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

P.S. We're praying for an uncle with some health challenges tonight.  

Exodus 31:3
And I have filled him with the Spirit of God, in wisdom, in understanding, in knowledge, and in all manner of workmanship,

Getting ready

Ready for a "grassy day"

It's been a productive day.  We now have an infant car seat in the car, the crib monitor is set up, and there are a number of items packed in a suitcase along with a list of things to add when the time is right.  While I'm happy to wait another couple of weeks for Baby Faulkner to arrive, it's nice to feel that we have the basics covered in terms of our readiness.  Baby Faulkner is kicking me as I type so he may well be anticipating some more elbow room.

Graham's parents visited with us this afternoon and helped watch Isaac and put a bookcase together with Graham for Isaac's room.  That meant that Isaac's smaller bookcase could be moved back to the baby's room which means that I now have a place to put a glass of water while I'm nursing the baby at night.

Last Sunday Isaac did not want to go to church because he didn't want to go to Sunday School.  This is odd for him.  It took a few tries to get the real reason but finally on the way to church he said that his teachers tell him to "jump and sing."  Graham said right away that he doesn't have to do this and that we'd speak with his lovely teachers.  I am well aware from going with Isaac to the library program that he does not want to jump up and down, even though I encourage him to do so.  I'm thankful that he was able to articulate his concerns. 

When we were walking into church last week, Isaac said, "I want it to be a grassy day." (as opposed to a snowy day).  I wouldn't be opposed to a grassy day. 

Josiah's snowy plot

We went to the cemetery last week but Isaac fell asleep in the car and there was lots of snow so Graham just took a few photos and I just stood by the car briefly. 

Isaac came into our room one morning around 6:30 when he's allowed to get up.  He went to Graham's side of the bed and said, "I'm checking if you're available Daddy."  He really wanted to know if Graham's iPod was available so that he could play Endless Alphabet.  We sometimes let him play the game between us in the bed if it will give us a few more minutes of rest. 

Memorizing verses with Isaac is good for me.  He chose the 'D' verse last week:  "Do all things without complaining and disputing" from Philippians 2:14.  I need that reminder.

Surprising Graham at his office

I hope you had a Happy Valentine's Day.  Isaac said that I have four Valentines:  Daddy, Isaac, Josiah in heaven, and Baby-on-the-way.  I'm a blessed woman!  On Thursday I told Isaac that I would take him out for a treat for Valentine's Day.  He asked if Daddy could be there so that gave me the idea of surprising Graham at work.  I made some squares in the morning and then we went to Graham's office for our treat.  I prayed that he would be there and it worked out well.  We had our treat and then he went to a meeting.

I decided to take Isaac out for lunch.  I've wanted to do something special with just him before the baby arrives and I know he enjoys restaurants.  On the way to this surprise, I told him that he was Mommy's date.  (Background information:  He says that I can't eat him all up but that I am allowed to nibble on him).  After I told him that he was my date, he responded, "I'm your date because you nibble on me" (referring to the edible date, of course).  He then told me that he was a cupcake with dates and chocolate chips but that I couldn't eat the chocolate chips because they were sour.  I'm quite sure he just wanted all the chocolate chips to himself.  He told me the other day that I couldn't have a bite of his cookie because it was too sweet for me.  I had told him previously that I needed to watch what sweet things I eat.      

Mommy's little Valentine

It was really nice to be out with Isaac.  He was well behaved and a pleasure to be with.  As it was when Josiah arrived, it will be a transition going from one boy to two and having to share my time.  At least I know it will be a challenge this time in terms of missing one-on-one time.  And of course, Josiah's needs were very different and Isaac is that much older so it will be a new experience.

I almost forgot to mention that Isaac is now registered for junior kindergarten, though we won't decide until August if or how often we want him to attend.  He doesn't turn four until December and I'll be at home so I can watch him with his brother.  On the other hand, I think he'll love school after he gets accustomed to it.  After this March Break we are welcome to go to the school and take out a couple of books from the library each week.    

Mommy's delicious date

It's not hard for either Graham or I to look at Josiah's lovely photos.  In some ways I wish that it were harder and brought tears.  I would love to have photos of Josiah all around me but the ones in the larger photo frames that we used for the visitation and funeral are sitting on the floor in the corner of our room.  I finally put some photos in a photo box in our living room.  I'm always conscious of how Isaac might feel about having lots of Josiah's photos around.  Eventually we'll have some sort of wooden memory box or a piece of furniture to have some of Josiah's items accessible to the boys and us.  Right now we have two Rubbermaid bins in the basement with lots of Josiah's papers and odds and ends.  The clothes and most or all of the toys will be used by the new baby.  Eventually we'll also make a photobook and books of the blog, though I'll add photos and a few other things to the archives first.   I think those will be very meaningful to have at hand and for the boys to have. 

Alright, it's nearly time for bed.  Of the three boys, I'm most nervous about this labour.  I think with Isaac it was all new and I didn't have a clue what to expect in terms of pain.  With Josiah I think we were so focused on Josiah's challenges and all the unknowns that went along with him that I didn't think much about labour.  This time I have time to think ... and pray.  Thank you for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

John 15:14,17
¹⁴ You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. ... ¹⁷ These things I command you, that you love one another.

Anticipatory grief

Isaac likes making French toast

There's not a whole lot to say, given that I wrote just a few days ago.  I've had some nice visits with friends this week.  I'm now having weekly appointments with my OB and those are going well.  Baby Faulkner is due three weeks tomorrow.  While we know that God has perfect timing, we're also letting Him know that we don't mind waiting for three more weeks. 

I had a florentine cookie today that I think might be from Costco - very yummy! 

We're still looking at baby names and trying to make a decision.  Isaac likes the saying, "Good plan Stan." (he responds by saying, "I'm not Stan.") so I joked that we should call the baby Stan and he thought that would be a good idea. 

The book, "When the Bough Breaks: forever after the death of a son or daughter" talks about sudden vs anticipated death.  In a sense, Josiah's death was both.  It was definitely sudden and we didn't expect it then but we had been told that he would die (due to another cause, still related to his heart) and we also knew that it could happen at any time from his birth onwards and we had certainly thought it might happen at various times.  The author writes, "the reality of the possibility of losing this child is never far from consciousness.  These parents have some chance to prepare.  Throughout the treatment and throughout the hope grieving continues.  This "anticipatory grief," as it is called is what changes the course of mourning after death.  Part of the grief-work has been done."  I remember reading in a magazine about heart parents (and I'm sure parents with children who have other diseases) having "chronic grief" (or something like that).  That  being said, we're certainly not finished grieving. 

It didn't work out to go to the cemetery today so we hope to go tomorrow afternoon. 

Thank you for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

No longer a heart mom

Isaac and Daddy time

One of my friends saw that I hadn't posted on the blog and wondered if I had gone into premature labour so I thought I'd better write.  No, thankfully the baby is still inside me.  We were in Listowel for the weekend and I wasn't able to post Saturday evening.

Isaac saw me crying today.  He was having his quiet time in his room and I was watching a couple of Youtube videos about heart moms and heart babies and remembering what Josiah went through.  (One of the songs talked about always being a heart mom and showed many photos of heart babies in the hospital looking just like Josiah looked.  I'm not a heart mom any more.)  Isaac decided to come out to the living room.  I'm not sure if Isaac has seen me crying before because the tears don't come when he's there.  I tell him that I cry for Josiah but I think it's good that he could see me.  I hugged him and he told me that he cries for Baby Josiah.  Later at the dinner table he said he wanted to visit the cemetery.  We'll try to go there this weekend.   He told my mom this afternoon that his room used to be Josiah's room and he was quite happy about that.

One of Isaac's Christmas books has a Bible verse and story for each letter of the alphabet so we've started memorizing them.  I make up a song for the verse and text.  It's quite easy for each of us to memorize the verse, except that I keep forgetting my tunes and that gets a little confusing.  I of course wanted to do the verses in order from A to Z.  Thankfully I'd just read about not being so controlling in my parenting so I decided to let it go.  We started with 'A', then 'C', and now we're doing 'Z'.  

The nursery is basically ready.  The clothes and blankets have been washed and put away and I even have a diaper bag ready to go.  I haven't packed my own bag yet but I have a basic list and a little pile of items.  I finally threw away all of Josiah's syringes and various other odds and ends. 

I saw one of Josiah's nurses in the grocery store the other day.  It was lovely to see her.

I just received a notice in the mail to let me know that Josiah's health card is going to expire in April.  It sounds like I might have to apply for a death certificate in order to let this part of the government know that he has died.  

It's been far too long since I read the Bible systematically.  It's so nice to be in the Word again.  I've been doing a one-year plan since the beginning of January but we'll see if that's still feasible after the baby arrives. I feel like I'm in a race against time to see how much I can accomplish and get sorted before the baby arrives.

Thanks for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.