We're having a baby ...

Outside the Royal Botanical Gardens

... GIRL - at least that's what the ultrasound technician thinks and she sounded very sure of herself.  I suspect a little girl is going to change the dynamics of the Faulkner household.  I guess we'd better figure out how to take care of a girl.  It's both exciting and scary.  It was reassuring to hear the technician say that the baby's heart and everything else looked good to her, though of course the photos need to be seen by a radiologist.  I still feel fine and I don't feel the baby so it was nice to hear that she was moving all over the place and is the right size for our due date. 

December has flown by faster than all the other months.  Early in the month we visited the Royal Botanical Gardens and enjoyed a train ride and a walk in the woods.  We then went to the annual memorial service at the Coping Centre during which we hung an ornament with Josiah's name on an outdoor Christmas tree.  Isaac always gets to pick the tree.

After Isaac's birthday party I crashed but I think it was a success.  The boys all seemed to have fun.  I think it was the morning of his party that he told me it would be fun to have a knight-themed party.  I let him know that he would enjoy his Paw Patrol party - and he agreed that he would.  :)  He still loves Paw Patrol.  We also had a family celebration for Isaac as well as a birthday celebration for my uncle.  It was wonderful that my cousin could be here from Switzerland for the celebration.

On the train at the Royal Botanical Gardens

Isaac has recently switched his attention to knights.  We were able to find a castle and some catapults on Kijiji for Christmas presents so he was excited to open them.  He's also been busy creating with his Magformers and Lego.  Kohen often wants to do whatever Isaac is doing but he also happily discovered an airplane and a bus under the Christmas tree along with other fun gifts, so the boys are certainly not wanting for toys.

We had a lovely Christmas, celebrating with my side of the family during the day of Christmas Eve and then we spent a few days with Graham's parents.  For the third year in a row we visited

Hanging Josiah's ornament on the tree

a Christian Reformed church on Christmas Day.  I enjoy being in church on Christmas as we always had a service when I was growing up but since Josiah passed away, it's a tradition that also helps me think about him.  Thankfully Christian Reformed churches also like to open on Christmas.

I think my desire to be in church also relates to something said in an online interview with J.C. Sproul Jr..  He was asked why he wanted to be in a church worship service hours after his wife's death.  In the following answer, he gave three reasons saying, "I wanted to be where the gospel was preached.  We have a tendency to treat the

Early morning reading

gospel likes it's a separate thing from our lives but when our lives touch death, now you need it ... and I wanted to be with God's people.  The third reason is a little odd.  It is my conviction, when we come together for worship, that when the Saints gather on the Lord's Day, the church militant is lifted up by the power of the Holy Spirit to join with the church triumphant.  So, I wanted to be with my wife."  I haven't tried to think about this belief Biblically or theologically but I like the picture of me singing and worshiping God from earth while Josiah is worshiping Him in Heaven.

Tonight we will ring in the new year, though I'm not sure if we'll be awake or asleep when the clock strikes midnight.  The boys will be asleep.

Merry Christmas!

Both Graham and I visited the cemetery today.  It was nice to be there once more in 2015.

I am thankful for 2015 and looking forward to 2016 and all that is to come.  We need His wisdom every day.  We are thankful to know that Josiah is with Jesus and we will see him again one day.

By the way, I of course ordered Christmas photo cards too late so they will be arriving late.  Thanks for your prayers.

Happy 2016 to you and yours!

Blessings,
Elizabeth

 

Mommy and her boys

Daddy and his boys

November Good News

Greetings!

In case you haven't heard the good news or seen me recently (I'm huge), I want to let you know that Baby Faulkner is on the way, due May 30.  We are excited to be blessed with another wonderful boy or a girl.  We expect to find out the gender at the end of this month or early next year when I have my first ultrasound, so we'll keep you posted.  I feel fine (nothing), like usual.  Isaac is excited that he'll get to share a room with Kohen (we'll probably make that transition in March) and both boys like to hug and kiss "Baby", with Isaac saying, "Good morning," and "Good night Baby."

Brothers

Three people have actually asked me if this means we have grown out of our home.  Wow.  No.  We have however grown out of our Tercel as three carseats will not fit in the back (Isaac needs to gain five pounds before he'll be in a booster seat).  So, we'll probably transition to a minivan in the spring.   I love our Tercel ... but extra space will be nice. 

I did find out last week that I can catch Fifth's Disease if I am exposed to it and then there's a chance that the baby could catch it.  Three percent of babies who catch this disease could develop severe complications.  So, the doctor has suggested that I stay away from groups of toddlers.  We asked a nursing friend about this and she advised that I not put Kohen in the toddler room at church in order to limit the risk, so that's what we're doing.  I take Kohen into the service for as long as he'll last until he's too noisy and then we head to a room where he can make some noise and move around but I can still hear the sermon.  The funny thing is, I had the same risk for the other pregnancies, I just didn't realize it as I don't think I was tested for it. 

Recital Day

I had a knee drained and two cortisone shots at the beginning of this month.  I am thankful to feel better than I did.  My doctors says that often during pregnancy, arthritis is not an issue.  I was hoping that would be the case after this last shot but I can tell there is still some arthritic activity in my body.  Thankfully it's mainly affecting my hand right now and only mildly.

Isaac had his first piano recital this past Saturday.  He played a short version of Jingle Bells.  He gave strict instructions that only Graham, Kohen, and I could attend.  He has agreed that his grandparents can come to his spring recital.  When he first heard of the recital he said he wouldn't be part of it but he's glad he did (particularly because he was given some chocolate from his teacher after he played).  It was fun to watch him.     

Celebrating a great recital

Graham and I have decided to be brave and give Isaac a birthday party with friends instead of only family.  This counts as bravery for us as it seems a little overwhelming.  What can go wrong in two hours on a Saturday afternoon?  Our first born will soon be five years old (he's told us for a while now that he's eleven.) 

I was able to go with my Dad to Joy: An Irish Christmas at Roy Thompson Hall in Toronto last week.  It was a fun evening and parking was only $5, not far away.

Isaac had a fun Daddy date going to the local Santa Claus parade with Graham.  They took the bus downtown.  Isaac was disappointed that the escalators weren't working (they are always a highlight whenever we find them.)  They finished off with a treat at Williams and a hot chocolate for the bus ride home.  Good times!  I remember being part of many Santa Claus Parades when I was younger, either with a float from our church or with the high school band, playing Christmas music.  Their bus was late so they missed some of the parade but Graham didn't recall any Christian message in the parade. Hopefully he just missed it.

Isaac on a Daddy date to the parade

Kohen is busy learning lots of words.  He tries so hard to communicate but often I don't know what he's saying.  Graham is better at figuring him out.  He recently fell off a rocking horse (over the front) and into a Christmas tree where he sustained a couple of minor face scratches.  After a brief cry his first instinct was to get back on the horse (though Mommy wouldn't let him).  He's a funny boy.  He loves to clap when he hears other people clapping (like at the piano recital).  He keeps asking me if it's time to clap and I need to tell him to wait.

My Dad helped us transform our front closet so that there's a place for a bench with cubbies for the boys.  It is such a nice change to be able to sit somewhere and to know that the boys can find and put away their own things. 

Hot chocolate on the bus with Daddy

A friend just brought by a fun activity for Isaac and I to do this December.  It's called "Countdown to Christmas Activity Kit."  There are 25 envelopes and then lots of cards to pick one for each envelope.  Examples include: "Let's buy some groceries and deliver them to our local food bank."  "Let's make and decorate our gingerbread house today."  "Make, decorate and hang up a family gratitude list."  This will be fun!  I also need to get out our Christmas candle set and devotional book.  Each night we light the candle and move Mary and the donkey one peg closer to the middle.

Isaac wants us to put up Christmas lights outside.  Hopefully we can accomplish that.  I think we're going to save putting up the tree until after Isaac's party so that there's a little more room for his friends to run around.  I have been listening to an old Christmas cd of Amy Grant for a while now.  I find it relaxing, especially when I'm preparing dinner and the boys are hungry.  I actually listened to the same music when I had my MRI when I was pregnant with Josiah.  Tight, enclosed spaces are not my thing so I was very thankful to be able to close my eyes (I don't think I opened them once inside) and listen to Christmas music ... in March.  God provided for me again on that day.  I hadn't thought about the battery life on my old iPod but one of the many people watching the procedure had just what was needed to recharge it and allow me to keep listening.

Okay, it's time to add some photos and do some laundry.  Thanks for your prayers.  May you and yours have a very blessed Christmas season.  Jesus is the reason!  We are thankful.

Blessings,
Elizabeth

Luke 2:14
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

October Outings

The boys before our climb up
The Big Apple, and before Kohen
fell face-first in a mud puddle

Another month has flown by.  We've had lots of coughing, sneezing, sore throats, and lack of sleep this month but we've also celebrated five family birthdays, enjoyed Thanksgiving with family in Stittsville, had a fun weekend in Listowel with Uncle Craig from B.C., watched Isaac's first solo piano piece in front of his four other classmates (Hot Cross Buns), and listened to a string quartet performance for kids (thankfully we had some Cheerios for Kohen to keep him quieter and in one spot, though he did like clapping for the performers).  

Isaac wants to dress up as a tiger again this year for Hallowe'en.  We'll see whether or not Kohen wants to dress up in the chicken costume to visit Grandma and Grandpa's home tonight.

We made it to the top of The Big Apple

We had a fun Thanksgiving with my brother and his family.  We ate a delicious traditional Thanksgiving dinner on the Saturday night and then on the Sunday night we enjoyed sausage and bean stew inside individual pumpkins along with homemade "leaf" pastries filled with a roasted vegetable mixture.  That was a later dinner so Isaac and Kohen were already asleep.

It was so nice watching Isaac playing with his cousins, especially his one cousin that was born within a month of Josiah.  It helped me to realize anew the loss that Isaac has experienced.  If Josiah were here and had been able to develop more, Isaac would have a playmate who would be able to do a lot of the same things as Isaac.  Of course, Isaac does have a loving imitator.  Whatever Isaac does, Kohen does.

Isaac playing in the leaves Daddy raked

We are studying Hebrews with the small group who meets in our home.  Hebrews 2:18 says, "Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested."  The discussion about this verse helped me to realize that I think most of my comfort comes from or is mentally attributed to God the Father as I think of and remind myself that He is always in control, He loves me, and He brings good out of bad.  Secondly, I probably think about the comfort that the Holy Spirit gives.  I rarely think about or try to obtain comfort by thinking about what God the Son (Jesus) went through and how He can thus comfort me.  I think I should try to do this more.

Kohen in one of his many happy moments

Graham and I just watched the movie Noah.  I was hoping it would give me a a fresh understanding of the reality of sin and evil and its result.  Unfortunately I was so focussed on the extra-Biblical additions to the storyline that I was a little distracted.

The boys clowning around

Kohen is sleeping and Graham and Isaac are raking leaves on this lovely fall day.  Kohen is in dire need of a haircut and the boys need winter boots so we'll head out later this afternoon to do some errands.  Oh, Isaac just came in and declared his need for hot chocolate.  With that, I'll say good-bye.

Thanks for any prayers for us!

Blessings,
Elizabeth

Hebrews 4:16
"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."

Back to School

Fun at Centre Island

We managed to make the most of our last weekend before school started.  I took the boys to a beach, we went to Toronto Island (Isaac told me that his favourite country is Toronto), Isaac and Graham enjoyed the carnival at our church, and we went to a park and pool with friends to celebrate Labour Day.  Graham needed to go to a conference the rest of that week and miss Isaac's first day back at school so we all went out to lunch together the day before (and we did FaceTime of course).  In typical Elizabeth fashion, I was searching for indoor shoes that would fit Isaac just before the stores closed at 9:00 PM the night before school started. (I had bought shoes earlier but forgot to try them on Isaac.)  

Isaac started group music lessons that he and I attend together.  He looks forward to his Thursday lesson and thankfully he loves the Paw Patrol stickers he receives for his practices. 

Attentive and looking for adventure

I don't hear well when there is background noise (I have a loud one-and-a-half year old so there is always background noise).  I had my ears checked yesterday and they told me I have great hearing.  I don't understand how the test works because they didn't test my hearing with any background noise.  Also, I was supposed to press a button even if the sound I heard was very very faint.  The test couldn't tell how loud or soft the sound was in my ears.  Lastly, the woman told me the list of words that she was going to speak in my ear, before she spoke them (I had to repeat the words back to her).  She used the same list for both ears.  I am dubious.  I also had a cold while taking the test.  For now, I let Graham know that he usually needs to be in the same room as me and looking at me when he speaks.    

Daddy time!

I am trying to allow myself to be stretched.  I gathered the courage to attend the school council meeting at Isaac's school and I went to a home to help prep food for the Spaghetti supper.  Thankfully (and surprisingly to me), there are actually people who willingly volunteer for the fundraising committee.  I invited someone from school over for coffee and I'm getting to know another mom at the library program who has just moved to Kitchener. 

Sadly, Graham and I went to our last session with our awesome counsellor who started helping us with our grief process.  We heard a month ago that he is no longer seeing people for sessions as of October so we booked a session.  He seems to read a lot, he has a ton of experience, he remembers so much, he explains how the brain works, and he is insightful (and prays with us at the start of sessions).  We're thankful for the blessing he has been to us.    

Graham just went to a sleep study last weekend.  We are hoping they can discover why he doesn't sleep well and help solve the problem.

The boys are in good form.  Kohen loves to copy anything and everything Isaac does.  He loves his big brother. 

The cold season has started again in our home.  I actually used my hot water bottle for the first time this year.  My feet love a hot water bottle.

Fall is here!

The boys picked out pumpkins on our annual trip to the pumpkin farm this past weekend.  It included a wagon ride and supper of hot dogs roasted at a campfire, so the kids were in their element. 

Graham has an early morning Bible Study so we need to get to bed.  We are looking forward to our home Bible Study starting next week.  We're going to study Hebrews. 

Well, Kohen should be officially weaned as of tonight.  He's only nursed before bed at night for a while now but tonight I told him that it was the last night of Mommy's Milk and we were saying good-bye to Mommy's Milk and Daddy would put him to bed tomorrow night.  He totally seemed to understand and his lip turned down and he looked so sad.  I sort of made it funny and then he nursed a little and stopped and waved and said Bye-bye.  I will hold on to the memories of him trying to climb on me while nursing.  He's a funny guy.    

Thanks for your prayers!

Blessings,
Elizabeth

Isaiah 26:3
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.

August Outings

At the park

We have had a wonderful August and I love that we have this extra week before school starts for Isaac.  We began the month by spending time with my side of the family for the long weekend.  All of the cousins (except Kohen) slept over at Grandma and Grandpa's house for a night.  It's always nice to be together.

Later in the month Isaac was able to sleep in the big trailer at his other grandparents' property.  He loves his little nook in the back and Kohen slept well in the playpen. 

Graham and I actually went on two dates this month!  For the first time, we went mini-golfing together.  We then went to Chapters, followed by some Thai food to celebrate Graham's amazing skill with the golf clubs.  On our second date we actually made it to a movie theatre for a movie we wanted to see (Inside Out).

A breakfast date with Daddy

One of Graham's wonderful uncles passed away.  It was a blessing to be able to attend his funeral.  We will miss him.  He was a great example and a godly man who loved and followed Jesus.  

Isaac enjoyed two weeks of swimming lessons.  It's great to see him enjoying the water. 

Isaac and I went for a walk on trails in a nearby natural area with a forest and a pond.  I mentioned that I wished I had brought a camera.  He quickly told me to let him know if I wanted him to take a picture and he would put it in his picture maker.  I immediately said he should take our picture and told Isaac to smile with my head by his but then Isaac told me that his camera "doesn't do selfies."  I didn't even know that he knew that word. 

Kohen loves to "drive" and beep the horn

I was happy to learn that Graham's bedtime stories are educational for Isaac.  Isaac made a spaceship with his magformers one morning.  I asked him where it was going and he said the Spacestation.  He told me the spaceship was taking a sucker for the bathroom in space.  I asked him why they need a sucker in the bathroom.  He told me it was very important so that the pee doesn't go everywhere.  I asked him where he learned about this and he told me that it was from his Super Skippy and Chippyman stories.  On a side note, Graham just told me that Isaac retired Super Skippy and Chippyman from catching robbers tonight, though they will continue to help people.  Don't let the robbers know!

Yesterday our church said goodbye to our Pastor and his wife who have served the church for 28 years.  I was in Isaac's Sunday School class so I haven't seen the video of the service yet so it hasn't really hit me.  I haven't known our church without them and they have blessed our family in so many ways.  We will miss them to say the least.  We are excited to see what God has in store for them next. 

Sometimes it is hard to live in the present.  I want to think about the memories of Josiah in the past.  

I loved reading The Spark this month.  It tells the story of an incredible woman and mother, Kristine Barnett.  It was certainly an inspirational read, encouraging me to see what my children are interested in and encouraging them to explore those more.  It was also a good reminder to have fun and play.  It did make me wish that we had figured out how to have a little more fun with Josiah.  I wish I had figured out how to get him into a pool.

   

Brothers!

I'm trying to experiment with going to bed earlier so I'll end this here.  Thanks for your prayers!

Blessings,
Elizabeth

1 Chronicles 16:8

8 Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.

Sights and Sounds of Summer

Remembering the anniversary of Josiah's death

I've collected a lot of conversations this month as Isaac has been home.  I guess I'll start by recording those.  I hope he'll enjoy reading them one day.


On the morning of July 6th, the second anniversary of Josiah's death:

I said to Isaac, "What are some things we are sad about regarding Josiah?"  Isaac said a few things and then said without any prompting, "But Mommy, there are some happy things."  I asked him what those were and he responded, "That God let him be alive.  And we could tickle him."

*****

On the evening of July 6th:

Mommy:  We had a lot of fun today.  I think Josiah would have enjoyed it but he is having even more fun in Heaven.
Isaac:  I wonder if it's like a circus.
Mommy:  God created humans and humans thought up circuses so I think Heaven is even better than circuses because God is the creator of all.
Isaac:  Maybe it's like a circus and a birthday.
Mommy:  Wow.
Isaac:  Or maybe a circus, birthday and Christmas all mushed together.
Mommy: Every day.


*****

Visiting a friend's farm

Grandma Lucas was with the boys in the living room and she told them that she had two wonderful grandsons in them.  Isaac stopped for a moment and then said, "Three Grandma." and pointed to himself, then to Kohen and then up in the air.


*****  

Graham barbecued four very large hamburger patties for dinner one day and put them all on a large plate.  Isaac was concerned.
Isaac:  Daddy, you should barbecue more burgers because there are only four.  If this one is mine (touching it) and I want another one (touching the bun) then there are only two left.
Graham:  This one is for Mommy and this one is for Daddy.
Isaac:  What is Kohen going to have?  Mommy can share with Kohen.


*****

The brave adventurers at the viewing deck of the CN Tower.

Isaac was showing Grandpa how to play a game.  I was pleasantly surprised when he said to Grandpa, "What colour would you like to be?"  However, he followed that by, "I'll be yellow."  There are only two colours.

*****

Isaac tried to teach me the phrase, "Cool, eh?"  He told me that a friend at school had taught him to say, "Cool, eh?"


*****

I asked Isaac what people used for lights before electricity.  He answered, "Solar panels."


*****

Isaac: I wonder if Josiah has a birthday party in Heaven.  I think God gives him a bed for his birthday.  Every birthday they get a new bed.


*****

Isaac was trying to find a toy.  I suggested that he look in the basement.  He told me that he didn't think it was down there because taking it downstairs wasn't in his "picture maker" (this is how he often refers to his memory).  He agreed to go and look for it.  He was downstairs a long time so when he came up, I asked about the toy.  He said, "I was looking for it.  Then I asked God to help me find it and I started playing with my trains."

The toy was in the first bin I checked.   


 *****

I'm afraid I'm confusing Isaac about the food groups.  He was looking at my grocery list one day.  It's a printed list on my fridge with boxes that I check off and it's divided into different categories.  He said, "Mommy, did you know that eggs are dairy?"  I then explained why Graham had asked me to move 'eggs' to the dairy category as they are near where we buy our milk at the store.  The following day I was talking about pasta and Isaac said, "Did you know that pasta sauce is a grain?"

*****

Miniature train ride in Toronto

On July 1st our family planted yellow marigolds on Josiah's grave.  On the 5th all of our local family met at the grave site and we each placed an orange Gerbera daisy in the new permanent vase in front of the headstone.  We added extra daisies for each family that lives far away.  Isaac then led a walk around the cemetery, followed by a meal at our home.

On July 6th we went to Toronto.  Graham and Isaac went up the CN Tower after we all enjoyed a picnic lunch together.  Later we all enjoyed the aquarium next door.  We walked a little further to the south to see an old train roundhouse and go on a miniature train ride.  After some time at a playground, dinner and Starbucks, we headed home.  It was a nice to be in Toronto and remember Josiah by doing things we think he would have enjoyed. 

I am thanking God for cortisone.  My rheumatologist drained both of my knees and gave me cortisone shots in my knees and my elbow.  My entire body feels so much better and I have more mobility in my right arm than I've had in about four years.  Thank You Lord!  I was actually running outside with Isaac, playing tag.

The "firetruck" at Ronald McDonald House

Isaac had asked to visit Ronald McDonald House again (specifically the fire engine playground in the courtyard) so we were able to go there before my doctor's appointment in Toronto.  He enjoyed it.  It was nice to see him take Kohen's hand and tell him about the place. 

We often thought how perfect Isaac's personality and temperament were for all he had to go through during Josiah's life.  Let's just say we would have needed other plans with Kohen!  I hadn't thought until recently how Graham and my personalities also helped.  I remember our pre-marriage counsellor telling us that one our of challenges would be that we were both introverted and more melancholic and thus neither of us would be the party planner (or something like that).  However, I think these characteristics about us helped us to live apart during the weeks while Graham worked and I stayed at Ronald McDonald House.   

On July 7th Isaac and I started eating gluten-free and dairy-free due to see if it would help Isaac feel better.  His symptoms actually decreased dramatically from Day 1.  We have an appointment with a doctor in August so we'll see what our next steps will be.  Isaac has done a super job.  This week he did ask me how long we would need to eat like this.  He was a little sad to find out that Timbits have gluten.   

We had a fun time with the boys at Day Out with Thomas the Tank Engine last weekend.  Isaac's eyes were pretty big when he saw Thomas drive up to the station the first time.

Kohen being cheeky

Kohen is as cute and loud as ever.  He copies everything his big brother does, though he also thinks up great tricks all by himself - such as throwing things in the toilet and turning over the salt shaker.  I think he and Josiah would have gotten into lots of mischief together ... and no doubt their older brother would have joined them.  I'm wishing they could be together.

It's a little bizarre meeting new people, such as at a dinner party.  I wouldn't purposely bring up Josiah unless he naturally came up as it's a time of lighthearted conversation.  However, you can't know me unless you know about my beautiful son in Heaven.

Visiting Thomas the Tank Engine

We finished up our summer Bible study last night.  We are looking forward to having a little break before the fall.  Graham is taking a week off of work in August, though we have yet to decide what we'll do.  

I confess my likeness to Pharisees when I am in the grocery store, almost at the checkout and the cashier sees me but still puts up his 'closed sign'.  No biggie.  I'll just go in the only line that's open at 10:45 at night, right behind the person who has bought a month's supply of food.  No biggie - I'm thankful the store is still open.  As I finish putting all of my items on the counter, management has been asked to and has agreed to reopen the original line I was headed to, so most people behind me head over there while I wait.  I love grace ... when it works in my favour.  Oh how I wish I delighted in grace.  Thank you Lord that these people behind me do not have to wait.  Isaac just started telling me when things are not fair.  May I teach him (and me) to look for and delight in grace.

Picnic in the park

Three years ago today I rushed Josiah to the hospital and he was taken to Sick Kids for three and a half months.  How is it possibly three years ago?  I wish it were yesterday.  

Thanks for your prayers!

Blessings,
Elizabeth

John 1:16
For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.

School is out!

Summer is officially here.  Isaac had his last day of Junior Kindergarten last week.  He is happy to be off but was very sad to hear that some of his teachers would not be returning.  I made us a roast beef dinner to celebrate, including his favourite pie - lemon meringue (this was bought).  I think it's still his favourite but he told me he doesn't like meringue.

Isaac was also able to open a big box after his celebration meal.  This family gift was a digital piano.  Isaac will be starting some music lessons in September.  

Isaac was at the kitchen table asking me how to spell some words.  He wrote, "Will we ever go to CN Tower?"  I'm not sure where this idea came from but he often asks us if we can go there.  It is on the summer list so it should happen before school starts.  I told him that he can go up with Daddy and I'll wait with Kohen at the bottom.  Graham emailed Isaac yesterday, just asking about his day.  Isaac responded by asking if they could go to the CN Tower and to the slash pad (possibly the one he enjoyed at Centre Island).

I asked Isaac to help Kohen with his shoes one day.  After I thanked him for trying to help he responded, "I'm a pretty good helper for a son."

Graham apologized to Isaac about something and asked if Isaac would forgive him.  Isaac said yes and then asked, "Would you like me to make you a card?"

Isaac to me: If I could fly around all the world and pick the moms, I would pick my mom and that's you.

Isaac to Graham: You are the best daddy I could ever have.

I was putting Isaac to bed one night when he started telling me where his classmates were on his spectrum from bad to good.  I think I was trying to test him so I asked, "Who do you think Jesus loves the most?"  He told me that Jesus loved the friend whom Isaac had decided was the worst (on his far left).  So, we discussed that and I tried to correct some theology.  He classified himself as quite good (to the far right) but then I asked him where he would place himself when he is at home and he quickly moved his hand closer to the centre.  Graham usually puts Isaac to bed and Isaac sometimes picks friends and prays that they will make wiser choices (obeying the teacher and not hitting or screaming, for example).

One definite highlight this month was our trip to Adventure Rooms with some friends.  I'm not allowed to give anything away so I'll just quote what's on the website: "Your group has 60 minutes to find its way out of a mysterious room.  This is accomplished by using logic, searching for clues and using unique items in the room to help you get through obstacles like locks and doors, etc."  Only 20% have escaped ... and we made it out!  We had 3 minutes and 5 seconds to spare!  I definitely want to do this again (they have a different room to escape from).  It was a lot of fun. 

In my last post I mentioned that Isaac wanted to give some of his books to children around the world to let them know about Jesus.  One of Graham's lovely cousins emailed us right away as she is heading to Guatemala and Tanzania in the next six months.  We were able to get the books to her and she's going to give them away for Isaac.  Isaac was excited as soon as we asked him if he'd like to do this and he went and found the same pile of books right away (including at least one book I would have loved to keep (and he would spend ages reading it) but thankfully I kept my mouth shut). 

Graham and I decided to visit the counsellor again.  It's always great to chat with him as he is smart, insightful, and seems to remember everything he has read.  He thought it was a good sign that I have anger (mainly in my head) as it shows movement in my grief from when I didn't have any feeling at all.  He also said that depression often follows anger.  I quickly responded, "I don't have time for depression," to which he laughed and countered, "Depression might have time for you."  I'm sure there are certain aspects of depression that are evident in my life.  Decisions and planning are more challenging.  The thought of planning trips or holidays seems really onerous.  We haven't even decided when Graham is taking holidays this year, though he is taking Monday off as it's the second anniversary of Josiah's death.  It's sad that it's been two years since I last held him close. 

I think I've finally made peace with peonies.  I've always thought they were beautiful but I haven't liked the way they are often draping on the ground.  I looked at them with distain until I recently decided that they take every ounce of beauty that God gives them and they bloom as big as they can with all the grandeur they can muster, offering themselves back to God, to bring Him pleasure.  They are full and heavy as they bow down their beauty before the God of all creation.  It's interesting to me how I can change my thinking about something if I am able to reframe my thoughts. 

I only nursed Kohen once today (before he went to bed tonight) so we are making progress with the weaning, but he also hasn't napped all that well the last few days.  If I wasn't dealing with arthritis, I wouldn't want to wean him yet as both of us still enjoy nursing.  I will miss it.  Nursing is Kohen's quietest and slowest part of the day. 

It's time to try to find a few photos and head to bed.  Happy Canada Day (a few minutes early)!  Happy Birthday Natasha!

Thanks for your prayers!

Blessings,
Elizabeth

Psalm 18:1-2
I love you, O Lord, my strength.  The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

May Memories

Pain is a great reminder that we're not in control.  I don't have severe pain but it doesn't take a lot of pain for me to be a little more emotional.  It helped me to cry a little tonight as I thought about Josiah's pains throughout his life.  He had various pains but I thought about his suctioning and taping and retaping when he was intubated.  Thank you Jesus that he never had to be intubated again after he came home.  I am thankful he is free from pain.

Kohen on the other hand is not free from pain.  I think he might be my permanently 'skinned knee' boy.  I don't recall Isaac getting skinned knees!  Kohen bounces back quickly.  He had minor bleeding at least twice last Thursday (not counting knees) but it didn't stop him for long.  His motto when he is with his mother: Why walk when you can run?  Why run when you can climb?  Why not yell?

Kohen has now lived longer than Josiah.  We reached that milestone last week.  I found a pair of size 2 pyjamas for Kohen in a bin of Isaac's old clothes.  Isaac saw them and told Kohen that there was also a pair of baseball and dinosaur pyjamas but that he probably wouldn't wear the dinosaur ones because there was a hole in the toe.  I was a little surprised and skeptical as Isaac has not worn size 2 pjs in a long time but the next day I looked in the bin and found the dinosaur pyjamas with the hole.  Josiah never wore pjs that large.  Isaac still tells us that he uses his 'picture maker' to take a picture of something and puts it in his brain.  I wish I had his memory.

We were at a birthday party last week and when we were leaving, a young friend of Isaac's asked Isaac which car was ours.  There were a number of shiny large SUVs around as well as nice large cars.  I love that Isaac pointed at our Tercel and said, "That blue car, the fancy one."  When I mentioned it to Graham, he told me the background story.  He and Isaac had gone to the carwash and then Graham told Isaac, "When Mommy sees the car, she's going to say, 'Look at the fancy car!'"

Isaac has started learning soccer with friends of ours.  He enjoys it and it's fun to watch him kick the ball.  I do need to remember my camera.  Kohen just hangs out with me and the other moms but both boys have worn their Ireland jerseys proudly. 

Isaac put a pile of books in the hallway the other morning and said he wanted to give them to other children around the world so that they could learn about Jesus.  I haven't figured out how to facilitate this request yet. 

I need wisdom in weaning Kohen (first from me and then from his soother).  Isaac weaned himself easily and Josiah didn't have an option so I'm new to this.  Kohen is not very interested in milk other than mine and he loves to nurse.  I like nursing him too but it's taking a toll on my body. 

Graham and I each celebrated birthdays this month.  I don't look forward to birthdays in the same way.  We each visited the cemetery on our birthdays. 

Our most exciting news is that we just bought a new mattress for our bed.  I am looking forward to getting in and out of the bed without it squeaking and we hope it helps with our sleep.

I must sign off.

Thank you for your prayers.

Blessings,
Elizabeth

Philippians 4:4-7
⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. ⁵ Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

April Adventures

I trust you all enjoyed a wonderful Easter celebration.  It's hard to believe Easter happened in this month as it seems like a long time ago.  I'm thankful for Jesus' death and resurrection as that is why I have hope today. 

Christ doesn't just give me hope for a better future, He gives me new life now.  I'm offered the fruit of the Holy Spirit in my life (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control).  I have an advocate in Heaven interceding for me.  Jesus showed me how to live, the Bible tells me how to live, and the Holy Spirit reminds me.  Jesus shows me that the God of the universe loves me unconditionally and desires me with His unquenchable love.  Amazing.

I am slightly disappointed that we didn't get Easter cards checked off our to-do list.  That means we'll be doing Christmas cards this year. 

We celebrated Josiah's birthday by going to a hotel with the boys and going swimming.  We returned home the evening of his birthday so I ran out to get a cake from the store as I didn't have time to make one.  I knew the exact cake that I wanted.  Except, when I went to get it, the whole endeavour became very stressful for me.  All of a sudden it became very important to get the right cake for a little boy's birthday (as opposed to the cake that would be delicious for me to eat).  There were tears as I asked them to put Josiah's name on the cake.  I'm always thankful for any unsolicited tears.   

I don't have many tears but I think three evidences of my grief are my anger (often inside my head), my current obsession with something I "need" to buy (for example, pizza stones), and my eating of junk. 

Last week at the women's Bible study I attend, I was able to share about God's amazing faithfulness throughout our Josiah journey.  It was very easy to make a huge list of all the blessings God brought our way and how He cared for us and prepared us so perfectly from before we knew that Josiah would have problems.  I'm not sure how many people know all the ways God prepared us so I'll have to write about that one day. 

Isaac attended his first Blue Jays baseball game.  He and Graham travelled there with many others from our church.  I wasn't ready to take a one year old to the Skydome so Kohen and I hung out at home.

Kohen finally had a new tooth today.  He's had six teeth for months.  Thus far he hasn't seemed to get too upset when he's been teething.  We finally took Kohen for his first haircut last Saturday.  He was well overdue for a cut.  

I'm really enjoyed meeting weekly with our Bible study group in our home.  I love that our ages span from the twenties to the eighties.  We also have a relatively new Christian who asks wonderful questions and four people were born in other countries.  We all bring our different ideas and experiences to the table as we discuss the Word of God.  We're studying Philippians and being challenged to live a life of humility and service, like Christ. 

Isaac and I have been enjoying doing some science experiments.  It's quite to fun to watch an Ivory soap bar expand in the microwave.  Our big soap cloud was then fun to play with at bath time.

Kohen is enjoying the library program that we attend.  It is a different experience from when I attended with Isaac.  Isaac would be happy to sit in my lap.  Kohen is a boy on the move.  Kohen loves to climb.  He'll climb onto chairs and then want to climb on the table.  He takes his toys and stands on them to help him climb onto other things.  He has now had his first trip to the ER.  Thankfully he was fine after a fall.  I was actually in and out of the hospital in an hour and we had such a lovely doctor.

It's been fun seeing Kohen learn some signs like please, thank-you, and more.  He has the softest, smoothest cheeks and a joyous smile.  He loves to be outside and gets excited if he sees a bird.  He is also Mr. Drama who throws his head back when his plans are foiled by his parents.

I'm currently wishing that I had a degree in Child Discipline.  Enabling people to procreate must be one of God's key strategies for getting people to realize that they don't have a clue and need His wisdom.  At least it's working that way for me.

It's time to think about my bed.  Thank you for your prayers.  I'll add photos another day.

Blessings,
Elizabeth

1 Corinthians 1:18
For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

March Musings

Kohen's first birthday

Well, it's that time again - the last evening of the month - so it's time to capture some memories before the clock strikes midnight.

It was fun to have family over for Kohen's first birthday in early March.  It was so nice to have extra space in the basement for kids to play.  I often thank God for the basement as I walk down the stairs.  Friends even blessed us with a train table that they no longer wanted.  Isaac was very excited by the surprise. 

Isaac at the sugar shack

Last Friday night we started sleep training Kohen.  Since that time I haven't fed him at night and I've been able to stay in bed all night as Graham has gone in to him when he's cried.  We used the Ferber method this time and it seems to be working very well.  It amazes me how quickly the brain figures things out.  I suppose I will soon start to fully wean Kohen, though I enjoy nursing him.  I often think of Josiah when I'm nursing as I nurse in the chair where I rocked Josiah.   

Isaac and I had a fun time visiting his Grandpa F.'s sugar shack.  We helped collect sap and then watched it boil and be put into jars.  It was a nice adventure.    

Isaac told me that Chippy and Skippy send him an email every night while he's sleeping, to tell him things that he doesn't know.  For example, one email apparently told him how to get inside of walls.  They told him to use a chainsaw.  I told him he was too young to use a chainsaw as it's dangerous, but he thought he had a toy one that would work.  Isaac made out of construction paper a "Bubble Thought Machine" that he can use to send bubble thoughts to me when he is inside a wall.  He thought he could send out the message, "Is dinner ready?"  and he told me that I write down the answer and send it back through the wall. 

Isaac's drawing of his trains

One afternoon I told Isaac what I'd learned at the Bible study I'd attended that morning.  I then asked him what he'd learned at school.  He said, "I think Mrs. ___ and Ms. ___ love God."  I asked him why he thought that and he answered, "When they sing O Canada, they say, 'God keep our land.'"  Sadly, I needed to explain to Isaac that not everyone who sings the anthem actually loves God. 

"In Chippy and Skippy World they don't run out of bananas.  Jesus gives more."'

I was explaining to Isaac one day that some people do not have doctors.  Isaac told me, "Jesus could be their doctor."

In the washroom Isaac said, "I wish we were all in Heaven."  I asked him, "Why?"  He responded, "Because we could all have fun together with Josiah."

I was happy to hear from one of Isaac's Sunday School teachers that after they spoke about King Josiah, Isaac put up his hand and told that class that he had a brother Josiah. 

We started a weekly Bible study in our home so it's nice to be doing that again.  We're studying the book of Philippians. 

I remembered that I went through a phase in elementary school of reading what I called "dying books."  Someone had either died or was dying or getting a disease, etc.  I thought I'd try to read them to help me cry.  I'm happy to say that it actually worked.  In the first book I just cried for the character but in the second book I was able to cry for Josiah.  

I also recently watched a documentary that reminded me of the power of music.  I thought I'd search for some sad classical music to help me access my emotions.  It didn't work while trying to do the dishes but it might help if I'm able to be by myself.  Perhaps I'll try it during Kohen's nap.  However, I came across a Youtube video of an Ode to Joy Flashmob that I'd previously seen and that brought tears and thoughts.  "Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, God of glory, Lord of love ... Giver of immortal gladness, Fill us with the light of day!"  I haven't figured out the right words, to say what I want to say but ... it's awesome to serve a God who is bigger than my son dying; a God who is in control and always worthy of adoration, praise and worship ... even when He didn't intercede to save my son.  I serve a God who loves me and sees the whole picture and He asks me to trust Him and love Him come what may.  Who would want to serve a lesser god?

Kohen likes to climb!

Kohen is a very loud sweetheart.  He discovers things that Isaac never cared about.  Almost all of the plants have now left our home.  I called Poison Control the other day because Kohen ate some of a plant.  Later that day he knocked over a lamp and glass went everywhere.  I am very thankful that no one was hurt.  I was reading some posts from his first few weeks which reminded me that he was loud from the beginning.  Isaac sometimes puts his hands over his ears and says, "No!  That's too loud Kohen!"

Thank you for your prayers! 

Blessings,
Elizabeth

Philippians 1:9-11
And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.