Kohen's Dedication

Happy Victoria Day!  It's been a lovely day and a great weekend.  My brother's family who lives near Ottawa all made the trek to Kitchener on Friday evening.  The whole family celebrated my mom's birthday on Saturday and yesterday we celebrated Kohen's dedication to the Lord.  It was wonderful to spend time with family and friends.

Graham has written out a blessing for each of our boys to bless them on their dedication day.  We spoke these blessings over Kohen in the afternoon.  In the church where I grew up, the parents were always asked a set of questions pertaining to how they will raise their child (for example, "Do you commit yourselves to teach and influence your child for Christ both by word and example?") so my dad also asks us these questions during our home ceremony.  The questions were a good challenge and a reminder of the importance of our commitment.  I tell Isaac that the most important thing to us is that he knows, loves, and serves Jesus.    

My birthday was this past week.  I asked God for the gift of tears.  I did get a few.  I worked on designing Josiah's headstone in the afternoon and I wanted to go to the cemetery in the evening.  I did let Graham buy me a drink from Starbucks on the way home.  I watched most of the funeral again in the evening, although even that didn't elicit tears.  I think my favourite part is getting the funeral director to open up the casket during the service for Isaac's benefit. 

Graham liked Isaac's description of his tall dresser.  He said it's a "bunk bed for clothes."  If Isaac disobeys while getting ready for bed, the consequence is often losing one of his stories about Chippy and Skippy that Graham makes up.  One evening this past week Graham told Isaac that he'd lost a story and it was a really good one about Chippy and Skippy in a submarine.  Graham told me that Isaac then used great logic to convince him that it was actually a less interesting boat story that he had lost and not in fact the exciting submarine story.

Isaac was playing with a truck this week in which he placed a toy backpack in the windshield.  He told me it wasn't a backpack so I asked him what it was.  He thought to himself and then told me it was a JPS.  I asked if he meant a GPS and he agreed. 

Isaac was given a helium balloon this week while visiting his grandparents.  It blew out the back of their parked car and Isaac was just beside himself and couldn't stop crying.  My sweet boy told my mom that Josiah must have wanted the balloon (in heaven).  He wanted a hug when he returned home and he told me the story with new tears in his eyes.  My parents bought him a new balloon that says, "You're so special."

We received some great advice in a card written by friends.  They wrote, "We pray you would see yourselves the way God sees you - so completely precious, loved and the joy of his heart!  Parent with this confidence because its impact will sink deep into your children's lives ...."  We are blessed with great friends.

Thank you for your prayers.

Blessings,
Elizabeth

Exodus 14:13
And Moses said to the people, "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today.  For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again.  The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."

In Toronto

We travelled to Toronto today for an event hosted by the Paediatric Advanced Care Team from SickKids.  We met with other bereaved families who had children cared for at SickKids who died in 2012 or 2013.  It was a good afternoon.  I think Isaac's favourite part was working with Graham to make a sick doll that he said was Baby Josiah.  He put a bandaid on his leg and some tape on his face "to hold his tubes."  He hugged the doll a number of times and put it in the stroller to sleep.  (He also threw it around.)

At the end of the day there was a balloon release.  Isaac told me to write the following on his note for the balloon: "Dear Josiah, I love you.  Thank you for staying here some days.  Why did you pass away?  Love, Isaac xoxoxo"

Kohen has his two-month doctor's visit and vaccinations this past week.  On Tuesday he weighed 12.872 pounds and was 25 inches long.  He's above the 95th percentile for height and at the 76th percentile for weight.      

It was McHappy Day at McDonalds on Wednesday.  Graham took Isaac.  Money from certain items on the menu goes to Ronald McDonald Houses.  Apparently there were lots of people when Graham went. 


I feel like I'm out of the newborn fog.  It helps that the nights are good. 

Graham was telling me how he was missing Josiah one day this week.  I wish I could/would have those feelings along with the pain and tears.  It's been a long time since I've cried. 

It's time to sleep.  Thank you for your prayers!

Blessings,
Elizabeth

Psalm 68:19
Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation.

Happy May!

It seems a little more difficult to write a blog with Kohen around as he likes to be in my arms or nurse until late in the evenings.  However, he is no longer crying the entire time so we're making lots of progress!

For those who like to read my Saturday reports, I'm sorry for not getting to them the last couple of weeks.  I hope you all had a great Easter.  It was nice to celebrate Easter with family. 

Sometimes I think about what a mess I would be if anything happened to Isaac.  I think part of the reason that my grief hasn't been too heavy is that all of Josiah's life was a gift from God.  Of course, all of our lives are a gift from God but that was in the forefront of our minds with Josiah.  We knew it was a very real possibility that he could die shortly after he was born so to get to take him home after a week without interventions and then to have him home for three and a half months and then for him to make it through three heart surgeries and live at home for almost eight months after leaving the hospital (with a few times when we thought he would/could die) ... well, it was all a gift from our merciful heavenly Father.  We were able to see him smile and laugh and play.  We were able to give him our love.  We were able to make some good memories.  We are grateful.    

Isaac fell asleep colouring at the table

Mind you, I've also recently wondered about the ethics of asking for all possible medical interventions throughout his life.  Clearly, we had hope and we knew that God could save him.  This also meant that he suffered a lot.  I believe God will bring good out of Josiah's suffering.

The Bible tells Christians to expect to suffer.  We are to take up our cross and follow Jesus.  We are to consider the trials we face as "pure joy" (James 1:2).   We are to rejoice in our sufferings, knowing they produce endurance (Romans 5:3).  We are to know that our sufferings "are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us" (Romans 8:18). 

I've thought for many years that I'd like to one day take part in a Good Friday service that is meant to focus my thoughts on the suffering and death of Jesus.  My tradition doesn't practise Lent as a church body, though some would do so individually.  In my experience, we usually prefer to focus on the 'good' of Good Friday.  I'm not criticising that; we do know what the cross means and it is glorious and worth celebrating.  However, as someone who has a difficult time accessing my emotions, I think it would be helpful to have things in a service that might help trigger sadness and a greater understanding of the cross and what Jesus went through to save us and how I am called to live.  I think it would make Easter morning that much more glorious (emotionally, at least - it's not just the negative emotions that I have a hard time accessing.) 

The above paragraph sort of sounds like I want a church service to manipulate my emotions, which I'm usually against.  I think it's different when I'm asking for it for a specific purpose and I'm trying to get into a frame of mind.  Why do I want to feel sad?  I don't think it's to grieve Jesus' death because I know He's alive.  I think it's to try to realize the enormity of what Jesus went through and did to save me and to understand what it means to follow Jesus. 

My friend in the Coptic church talks about her Easter services with such incredible delight.  I need to review with her what happens in the services but I do remember that there's an all night service that includes reading the entire book of Revelations together.  A friend in a Lutheran church explained that it's not just the Good Friday service that is more solemn but the entire period of Lent.  So, just going to one service may not do what I'm hoping it will.  In reality, having a newborn baby is a little bit distracting regardless of what's going on in the service.  Actually, my favourite Good Friday service was at an Anglican church in Toronto.  The whole service was focused on the children - we actually spent part of the service outside and then up by the altar looking at the stained glass windows.  How lovely to have a whole service for the children.

I've found this newborn period challenging (it's much better now that there's less crying and some more sleep) so I decided to take out a book from the library that I enjoy reading.  I went through the Father Tim series a few years ago and recalled my enjoyment of it.  My head usually tells me that I need to read a good non-fiction book to learn and grow but often it's the fiction books that challenge me and in this case make me want to be more like Christ.  Anyway, my point is that there were a couple of quotations about Easter that I appreciated in this book:

"On Maundy Thursday he had truly experienced a deep and enriching mournfulness.  On Good Friday he fasted, and on Holy Saturday felt much the better for it in every way.  Easter morning dawned bright and clear.  'Dazzling to the senses!' said one parishioner.  ... the tremor of joy that one always hoped for on this high day was decidedly there" (At Home in Mitford, Page 33).

"The cold wind that blew in with flurries of snow on Maundy Thursday made the bare, stripped altar seem even more appalling to the spirit.  The congregation left the evening service, not speaking . . . .  Father Tim found this service the most dismal in church liturgy, but he also found it to be one of the most crucial.  The business of soaking up the joys of Easter without any consideration of the pain of the cross was spiritually risky business, at best.  On Sunday, the wind still blew, but the sun shone brightly.  And many of the parishioners at Lord's Chapel felt they had come, at last, through a dark tunnel into new life" (At Home in Mitford, Page 267).

It seems hard to imagine that the early church wanted to be mournful each anniversary of Jesus' death.  (I assume the Passover is a joyful celebration?)  However, they didn't need any help conjuring up thoughts of suffering and death on a cross.  That's not my experience in Canada in 2014.  One friend who gives up something for Lent told me that it helps her identify with Christ and focus on Him.  On the other hand, I also wonder if we really celebrate the way we should.  I'm not sure we appreciate how incredible the resurrection is.  The tomb was empty.  Jesus appeared to them - the Jesus whom they had just watched die.  That should blow me away - and result in delight. 

I hope I'm not offending anyone with my ramblings.  It's true that I'm full of critique but I don't think I'm judging others in a negative light (other than myself).  This is how my brain works.  

Isaac had his first dentist visit this week.  Graham took him.  Thankfully he liked the experience.  He was loaned sunglasses to wear and he was able to watch Sesame Street while they looked in his mouth.  Times have changed. 

I had a nice gift from God the other day.  I was nursing Kohen late one night and my eyes were closed but I could tell that the light on my iPod became brighter.  I opened my eyes and a Bible app was open for some unknown reason.  (I never used this app but I had tried to open it the day before and it didn't work.)  It was displaying the verse of the day which was one that I hadn't remembered:  "He will swallow up death forever, And the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces; The rebuke of His people He will take away from all the earth; For the Lord has spoken. (Isaiah 25:8).

Happy May!  Thank you for your prayers!


Blessings,

Elizabeth


Romans 8:11
But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.