A crummy snack

Peaceful in his wrap

God bless the makers of the Sleepy Wrap (now called the Boba Wrap).  It's been very helpful with calming Kohen when he's upset.  I remember Josiah really liking it as well.  Thankfully, Kohen has seemed to be a little less fussy the last few days and I've also been better able to deal with the crying/screaming when it does happen.  Those two things may well be related.

I was hoping Kohen would skip the baby acne but it arrived a couple of days ago.

We went to the headstone showroom this morning.  Isaac picked out his favourite one as well as the ones he said were the favourites of Kohen and Josiah.  We're hoping to pick the size and shape this week so that the stone can be ordered.  The cemetery would pour the cement base at the end of May and then we'd like to have the headstone in the ground for the anniversary of Josiah's death on July 6.  I think having a headstone will be good in terms of helping me to face the reality of Josiah's death.  It will also just be nice to have a marker of where his "body" lies.

Helping to measure

I ordered Kohen's birth certificate and social insurance number this week and then I ordered Josiah's death certificate.  It's so nice that all of this can be done fairly quickly and easily online. 

Isaac told me this week that Chippy and Skippy (a chipmunk and a squirrel - two characters from Graham's stories) went to heaven and visited Bingo Bob (a bear that Isaac said died) and then came back.  He said that Bingo Bob used to have tubes in his nose but now he doesn't in heaven.  We both thought it would be nice if we were able to visit Josiah in heaven. 

Isaac asked for a snack yesterday so I gave him all his options (all of which were healthy).  He then told me, "I want something crummy."  He specified that this could be a muffin.  I didn't have any muffins.  A little later he said, "I want something sugary."  I told him that apples have a lot of sugar but he didn't want an apple. 

Isaac's ship - I love the symmetry!

Thank you for your prayers!  We're looking forward to being in church tomorrow.

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Romans 3:23-24
... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴ and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, ...

His grace is sufficient!

We were away in Listowel for the weekend so I didn't blog.  It was so nice to see one of Graham's brothers from B.C. and to celebrate Graham's mom's birthday.  Thankfully Kohen slept through his first church sermon, which meant that I could listen.  I'm also thankful that he slept more quietly in church in my arms than he did in his bassinet at night.  At home he sleeps in his crib in his own room at night so this was the first time we slept in the same room.  He is one noisy sleeper!

I've been contemplating this blog post and wondering what words will allow me to be honest, positive, thankful, real (somewhat vulnerable), and not sound like I'm complaining or whining.  That is what I am attempting to do: 

I find this period challenging and hard.  I remember hearing that one of Graham's aunts wished that children started out at the age of 2 (or something like that).  That was so reassuring to hear.  God bless her!  She is a wonderful, godly woman with wonderful children so it must also be okay that this "crying, fussing, eating a lot and not wanting to be put down" stage is not my favourite either. 

In my first year of university I actually went to the first meeting of the Juggling Club.   I could juggle three balls (for a few seconds) so I thought it would be fun to improve my limited skills.  I can't remember if I went to another practice but I must have realized early on that I was not destined to be a great juggler.  I may actually juggle balls better than I do kids and life.  Graham and I sometimes refer to a few friends as "big plate" people.  They just accomplish a lot.  We think of ourselves as "small plate" people.  This isn't meant to be a negative label and I don't think we limit ourselves or our choices with it, it's just a way to describe who we think we are.  Whatever size our plates are, we obviously need to do what God calls us to do. 

We are so thankful for Isaac and Kohen and we wish every day that Josiah was here.  We knew this transition would be tough for us just because of what a new baby brings (not because it's harder than what others are going through ... and in reality, many people, especially those with other personalities, may not find this very tough at all).  This is just a season and it will pass and God will give us the strength we need.  The fact that I'm able to type this means that Kohen is sleeping peacefully in his crib.  He slept last night from 11:00 PM to 6:15 AM this morning.  Let's just say he tuckered himself out before 11:00 PM. 

I'm considering removing dairy from my diet for a few weeks to see if that will help.  I'm addicted to milk but it would be worth it if it helped.  We also wonder if there's any reflux going on.  Josiah had it (as many heart babies do) and it was stressful.  Many of Kohen's feeds are fine but then there are others in which he keeps coming off of me and crying/screaming.  The thought of being anywhere except in my own or someone else's home when this happens is not a great thought.  I'm a homebody so it's not hard to stay home but it's probably not the best thing for Isaac - though I praise God for his demeanour; he's so good at playing with his Lego and Thomas the tank trains and loves to lie down and look at his books.  He has also told me that babies cry a lot and lets me know when he thinks Kohen needs milk.

Isaac's been telling us that he wishes Josiah were here and wishes he didn't die.  He wants to go back to the "hospital where Josiah was dying" so that he can play with the toys (he's referring to the play room at Sick Kids).  He often tells me that such and such an animal or train has a child or friend or parents that have died.  He says he doesn't want to go to heaven and asked me today if God would bring him back to his house (if he went to heaven).  It's sad that he has to try to process all of this at this age.   

Isaac told me this week that when he was at the farm, "Mr. E. turned off the lights and then all the chicks sang 'Jesus Loves Me.'"  We do want to work on him telling the truth but I thought that story was pretty cute.  He has recently been saying, "I'm kind of sick." when he doesn't want to eat more of his meal (or wants to skip to dessert) so hence the need to focus on truth telling.  

This week the doorbell rang in the early afternoon.  I went to the door and there was a young women holding a casserole.  I invited her inside and then said, "Should I know you because I don't recognize you?"  As it turns out, her husband came to the door about three weeks earlier to collect for the Heart & Stroke Foundation.  I was three days from my due-date and obviously pregnant so he asked which number of child this would be which led to a conversation that included Josiah and heaven and he asked if we were Christians and I found out that he and his family attend a nearby church and they live on our street, down the hill and around the corner.  So, this lovely family (strangers) made us a delicious casserole and some yummy muffins!  What a lovely gift from God to be blessed by strangers!  We have certainly been blessed by family and friends as well!

My grand discovery is microfleece bed sheets!  Does everyone know about them?!  I LOVE hot water bottles in the bed - especially after returning from nursing Kohen in the middle of the night.  They make my feet very happy.  However, this weekend I slept in microfleece sheets and they were warm all the time - and so soft and comfortable.  I am excited about this discovery!

Thanks for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Too much milk

Sleeping on Mommy

Kohen is ten days old today.  Overall, the transition has been easier than I thought it would be - though some days/nights have been better than others.  He is lovely and Isaac has been a good big brother.

I saw a lactation consultant on Wednesday and she said that I have an overproduction of milk with a very fast let-down so Kohen struggles with being able to swallow all the milk.  For some feeds he just comes off of me as soon as the milk comes and screams.  This happens over and over again.  That gets old in a hurry.  I often eventually call Graham to come and take him to try to calm him down and to give me a little break.  I took an advil today.  The screaming had seemed to be more of an evening thing but he did this for both a morning and afternoon feed today.  I'm hoping this doesn't mean it's getting worse.  He also seems to cluster feed at least once a day.  Both of these things make me hesitant to go out with both boys at the moment.  When he's not feeding, Kohen is usually sleeping. 

Daddy and his boys

The lactation consultant also said that Kohen is tongue-tied.  We have an appointment with our family doctor on Monday so we'll see what he says about this.  Kohen is apparently gaining weight well so I was reassured to hear that.  We need wisdom to know what to do about his tongue.  The consultant said I didn't need to wake him for feeds so that was good news.  Depending on when his late feed is, I'm up once or twice in the night so that's not bad.  I sleep well when I'm back in bed.

 It's time to record some Isaac sayings so I don't forget them:

I've told Isaac the difference between his 2% milk and my skim milk.  He asked me the other day, "My milk has fat in it?"  I said it did.  He then said, "Does your milk have thin in it?" 

Brothers

Depending on the time of day, Isaac will easily fall asleep in the car.  He won't admit this though.  If I catch him closing his eyes and ask if he's going to have a nap he says, "No.  I'm just keeping the sun out of my eyes." 

If Isaac disobeys during the evening when he is getting ready for bed, his consequence is to lose one of Daddy's stories.  Daddy usually tells three stories.  The last couple of nights he has lost one story.  I think we're going to have to change our tactics because he no longer minds losing the first story.  If Graham tells him he's lost a story, Isaac responds, "That was the bad story.  I have two good stories left." 

Isaac likes to tell us about things he did when he was one or two years of age.  He also sometimes talks about when he is four years old.  He thought we might buy him a baseball helmet when he turns four.  He obviously understands the concept of buying things.  He suggested to Graham that a reward for good behaviour could be going to the store and buying him a watch and an iPod.  I guess the timbit treats just aren't cutting it. 

It was wonderful to have a visit from a friend this week.

I had at least one good cry this week.  I looked at Josiah's picture and thought, "We have a dead baby.  People aren't supposed to have dead babies."  I cry and then it passes.      

Sadly, we attended a funeral for Graham's uncle this week.  This wonderful man will be greatly missed.

Thank you so much for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Psalm 62:8
Trust in him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.

In need of sleep

I am tired (exhausted) and we actually lose an extra hour of sleep tonight (in addition to however many hours Kohen would like).  He happens to be in his crib right now and he's been there for about twenty minutes, a new record.  He has been on top of me his first three nights of life outside the womb so I would be agreeable to having a little sleep in my own bed tonight as opposed to on the chair in his room.  My milk is in now so my hopeful expectation is that he'll be able to nurse and go back to sleep.

Kohen during a moment when he wasn't feeding!

We had an appointment at 8:15 this morning at the hospital for another blood test to check his bilirubin level.  We didn't receive a call to say he needed treatment so it should be fine.  The lovely nurse was a gift from God as she was also a lactation consultant and was able to give me a few more tips for nursing as well as ideas for how to help Isaac during this transition period.

Speaking of Isaac, he now seems HUGE to me.  I think the same thing happened when Josiah was born.  My big-little boy disappeared overnight.  Isaac asked to hold Josiah twice today but he didn't want any pictures taken.

Isaac enjoys being the big brother

I'm missing Josiah.  I've caught myself singing to Kohen and then I realize that I've used Josiah's name in the song and I've called him Josiah by mistake (though when Isaac was born I called him by his cousin's name for quite a while so it might just be something that I do).  I now know what Kohen looks like but I have no idea what Josiah would look like at almost 23 months old, if he were here.  I don't know what he'd be able to do.  Of course, I knew with the exhaustion and hormones, I'd be more emotional.  It's only hit me a couple of times so far but I'm thankful for tears.  Isaac also mentioned to my mom that he missed Baby Josiah when we were in the hospital after Kohen's birth.

This is the first time I've brought a baby home before five days old.  I knew the nickname for the second night home so I was prepared and I also knew that allowing Kohen as much "access" as he wanted (all night long as it turned out) should get my milk in faster so it wasn't so bad, just exhausting. 

I feel quite good physically (better than I did with the others) so I'm thankful for that.  Kohen is lovely and nice to hold and snuggle.  He's so soft and the perfect size.  

I like that Kohen was born on the day my grandfather passed away nineteen years ago.  I was privileged to be there with other family members in his room in Northern Ireland when he went to be with Jesus.   

Okay - it's time to try to get some sleep.  Thank you for your prayers and for all the encouraging emails!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all of our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Introducing Baby Faulkner

Note: this may be the longest birth announcement you'll read. =)

E (Elizabeth) became
F (Faulkner) when she married
G (Graham) and they had
H (Heaven's Little One - ectopic pregnancy 2008-2008),
I (Isaac Kenneth Russell Faulkner 2010),
J (Josiah Nathanael Gabriel Faulkner 2012-2013),

and ...

DRUM ROLL PLEASE ...

K (Kohen Andrew Miles Faulkner)

Kohen - This is the Hebrew word for priest in the Old Testament.  It's a title as opposed to a given name in the Old Testament, used for any type of priest.  We felt this was appropriate as the New Testament talks about Christians being a "royal priesthood" who proclaim the praises of God in 1 Peter 2:9 ("But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light...").  Our desire is that our Kohen would choose to proclaim the praises of Jesus.

Andrew - This name means "strong and manly", a great name for a little man like Kohen! He was also one of the original 12 disciples of Jesus and was instrumental in introducing his brother to Jesus.  We pray that Kohen, like that Andrew, can bring others to Jesus.  As well, Andrew is also Kohen's uncle who was instrumental in bringing Graham and Elizabeth together and is a great role model for Kohen, just like his other three amazing uncles.  

Miles -  This name has a variety of meanings, depending on the language, ranging from "soldier" to "merciful or generous".  We think being a merciful, generous fighter for truth and justice will help Kohen as he navigates this world.  It is also the surname of a special family we know who taught us so much about loving a child with complex medical needs, which was inspirational when we were journeying through Josiah's short life. We pray that Kohen will follow Jesus as they do.


Kohen arrived at 12:23 PM and weighed 8 lbs 13.5 oz - our biggest boy yet!  We arrived at the hospital at 8:00 AM and checked into the room at 10:00 AM, so he was also our fastest baby yet.

Elizabeth and Kohen are doing great, and he nursed well right away and has enjoyed sleeping on her since they cleaned him up after delivery.  He also enjoyed some cuddles with Graham and his grandparents and meeting his big brother.

Isaac was excited to meet his new brother this afternoon. He said a number of times, unprompted, "I love Kohen", so things are off to a good start. =)

We will be camped out at the hospital overnight but should be able to return home tomorrow. 

Thanks for your prayers.

Blessings,

Graham and Elizabeth

All about Isaac

Isaac's new teacup

Happy March!!!  I guess we're having a March baby, though Baby Faulkner seems quite content to hang out inside me.  He's probably hoping for some warmer weather before his arrival.  On Tuesday my doctor said that his head was still quite high.

Isaac hasn't been feeling well yesterday or today so we'll be spending the day at home tomorrow.  He had just had his bath last night and Graham was joking with him in his room.  He suddenly said, "All this talking is making me sick." and then a few moments later he was sick.  May God bless all the single moms who deal with sick children by themselves.  I'm thankful Graham and I can work together. 

Last Sunday Isaac said he didn't want to go to church, letting us know that "Bob the Builder doesn't go to church."  I wasn't ready for this.  I alternated between saying that he does go to church, he should go to church and talked about why we go to church.  

We were watching some of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics last week.  We asked Isaac what he would like to be in the Olympics.  We were waiting to hear which sport he would choose when he told us that he would be a doctor there.  At the time of this conversation, there was an orchestra playing on the screen so I asked him if he'd like to also play in the orchestra (preferably a bassoon or cello) but he said no.  :)  He prefers to focus on one thing at a time.

I enjoyed this random conversation with Isaac this past week:

Isaac: There was a driver on top of the wall. Humpty Dumpty looked up and said, "What are you doing up there?"  Then the driver fell off the wall.
Mommy: Is that where Humpty Dumpty got the idea to fall?
Isaac: No.  Jack and Jill gave him the idea.

Perhaps instead of a doctor he'll be a professor of comparative literature. :)

I did not enjoy this conversation with Isaac while at the breakfast table:

Mommy: Isaac, what are you making for dinner tonight?
Isaac: No.
Mommy: No?  What do you mean?
Isaac: Woman.
Mommy: Pardon me?!
Isaac: You.
Mommy: Do you know that men can also make dinner?!
[At this point Graham decides to add that the top chefs are men!]
Isaac: I'm still little.

He knows that men bake as he likes to bake with me but usually he plays while I prepare dinner.  I guess I should find a way to include him. 

I bought a small tea cup set for Isaac (I guess it's actually an espresso set) so that we can enjoy tea time together after Baby Faulkner arrives.  Hopefully it will be a special time for the two of us.  He likes drinking tea (mainly milk). 

Sometimes in the morning I ask Isaac if he wants to write Daddy a note on his napkin to put into his lunch bag.  Isaac tells me what to write.  He sometimes needs a little prompting at the end.  I liked this one from earlier this week (see photo below).  He always goes and shows Graham his note before packing it.

Isaac's napkin note for Daddy

I can't cry directly about Josiah.  I need to become sad about something else first and then I can sort of transfer my thoughts to Josiah and be sad about him.  This week I was sad about all that Josiah had to go through - all the pain and suffering. 

This week while in the waiting room at my doctor's office I heard a woman say that she was pregnant with her fourth child.  I thought to myself that this should be my fourth child.  It is my fourth child, though I just have one at home instead of three (we lost our first baby due to an ectopic pregnancy). 

I recently received mail addressed to Josiah to let me know that his health card expires in April.  Apparently I need to order a death certificate to cancel his health card, even though it will be expired and I won't be able to use it.  If I do cancel it then they will take the health card from me.  I like having it in my wallet.  I guess I'll order a death certificate to have on hand. 

It's been another productive day.  The laundry is done, the house is neater, and I even submitted insurance claims, including the last two for Josiah - one for his ambulance charge last May (we weren't charged for his final ambulance ride) and one for his face mask to take ventolin.  I didn't realize these would be covered until recently.  It's an extra good day because all of the socks in Isaac's drawer have a matching partner. 

Thank you for your continued prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Matthew 22:37-39
And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment.  And a second is like it:  You shall love your neighbour as yourself."