New Year's Eve

I hope you are enjoying a special New Year's Eve.

I've been battling my cold today.  I gargled with salt water (advice from my parents and in-laws), I found a great video on-line about self-massage of the lymph system for sinus relief and followed the instructions, I slept and drank lots of water, ate spicy food, bought and used a neti pot, and before I go to bed I will boil ginger and brown sugar as per our nurse's traditional remedy from China.  I will be a new woman tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it!  In the meantime I'm going through lots of Kleenexes.

When the nurse arrived at 8:00 AM, Graham and I went back to sleep.  We must have been tired as my mom and Graham's dad dropped by separately and we slept through both of their visits.

We saw our visiting nurse and our nurse practitioner today.  The visiting nurse will return on Wednesday and we'll try to assess if the amount of morphine we're using is sufficient.

We enjoyed a take-out Indian meal with my parents tonight.  Josiah slept beside us in his stroller while we ate.

Graham and I watched a tear-jerker YouTube video this afternoon and we cried.  We weren't crying for the boy in the video though.  I want my son.  I want him in 2014.  I want him to grow up with Isaac.  I want to be his Mommy.

I went to the store this afternoon as I couldn't let the day pass without my neti pot.  Looking around, I realized that I just wanted to be home with my son.  Yet I hate listening to him moan and I don't want him to live in suffering.

We missed Isaac today but he's in good hands with his grandparents.  

I don't do the "Why me, Lord?"  That doesn't make sense.  My refrain would more likely be, "Why not me, Lord?"  However, I do have theological questions that I hope to be able to find time to write about at some point.  For now I'll share a quotation written by Ann Voskamp on her blog which resonates with me:

"He came into our stench and sin and suffering and He came into our wounds and touched our wounds and took our wounds, and though Job’s tortured questions were answered only with questions — the mystery of suffering that isn’t ours to know — Job is satisfied because God came.  He came – and the God of life tasted death, and the God of reconciliation obliterated the alienation of man by hammering alienation straight into the very heart of God. He came – because in all our pain, we don’t want some answers like we want a Someone.  He came – and He cups us in our aloneness and our agony, in our weeping and our wondering, in our howl, “My God, my God, why has thou forsaken us?” – and He whispers, I am Emmanuel, God who is with you."

I'm so thankful that God is with me.  I'm thankful that He's with my family and He's with Josiah.  I hope you have welcomed Him to be with you too.       


If you have prayed for us in 2012, you have blessed us immensely.  Thank you and God bless you in 2013!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Sabbath rest

I can't tell if this cold is getting better or worse but I enjoyed being able to sleep and rest today.  With Isaac at his grandparents' home, Graham has taken up residence in Isaac's room to hopefully stay away from my germs and get a better night's sleep.

Our weekend nurse once again had lots of cuddles for Josiah.  Today we gave him morphine with each feed from 6:00 AM until 6:00 PM.

We missed a great day at church today.  Everyone shared a meal together at 11:00 and then there was a baptismal service at noon with eight people getting baptized.

I was thinking of and missing the amazing CCCU nurses from SickKids today for no reason in particular.  Actually, I saw an uncommon name written down, the same name as one of the nurses and the different nurses just popped into my head.  Their care for Josiah was such a blessing.  Of course we also appreciated the nurses from 4D but having one-on-one nursing for three months means you get to know the nurses a little better.

We saw Isaac twice today using FaceTime.  He's been having a good time with Grandma and Grandpa F.

Josiah slept a lot today and also groaned a fair bit.  A stroller ride was able to calm him down once.  While we were eating our tasty dinner, Josiah was so out of it that we were able to put him in his chair in the kitchen.  It was nice to have him there with us.

I want to be better so I can hold him close.  Thanks so much for all your prayers.

Blessings,

Elizabeth 

Fun in the snow

 Grandpa F's awesome train track arrangement

God sent us the perfect nurse today.  She's an RN and has lots of experience with children and babies and currently has another patient who is a baby.  We asked her lots of questions and she had good advice.  Graham actually said he would feel fine leaving her completely alone with Josiah.  The extra hands are still helpful.  Shortly before 3:00 I saw that she was cuddling Josiah on the chair so I prepared the feed and medicines so she wouldn't have to put Josiah down early. 

I was in bed a lot today and even had some sleep between coughing and blowing my nose.  I've tried to keep my distance from Josiah.  I don't think he'd be able to cope with this cold and the thought of trying to suction him is awful.

Josiah acted differently again today.  The day seemed to begin better without the need for extra morphine until around 10:30 AM.  I had some little smiles first thing in the morning and I heard that Grandma was given a smile as well.  From mid-morning to mid-afternoon he groaned quite a bit.  The nurse tried doing exercises on his mat and in his swing but he also cuddled on her on the chair and lay in his crib watching Old McDonald Baby Einstein.  He startled easily from sleep and we suspect it could be due to bad dreams, a side effect of one of his drugs.

Isaac learning new tricks from his Grandpas

We gave another dose of morphine mid-afteroon and since that time he has been sleeping on and off and basically dopey and out of it, quite atypical from what's he's been like the last few days.  He hasn't cried or moaned and didn't mind us turning him in bed.  It's nice to see him content but all changes cause uneasiness and wondering if these are "signs" and indicators.  I said to Graham, "If I thought he was dying I would cuddle him."  However, even though I wash and use the hand sanitizer I'm sure my germs are not contained.

Isaac enjoying his sleigh ride

Graham's parents were here today so Isaac had a blast.  They invited Isaac to their house for a few days so he went happily with them after supper.  We also sent along the last two Christmas presents that he didn't get around to opening (I don't imagine that will happen when he's older).  Two times today he received three tasty goldfish for using the potty (fortunately friends advised of the obvious negatives to using smarties as a reward).  He also had a lot of fun in the snow with Graham and his Grandpas and Grandpa Ray designed a great train track.

We missed attending an extended family Christmas gathering on Wednesday but today we were surprised and thankful to receive gifts they had sent us via Graham's parents.  We have an incredible family!  Our family has shown their love to us in so many ways.

The nurse comes back again tomorrow morning which is a great relief.  We'll try to rest more.  I need to be perfectly well and in peak shape for when Graham returns to work on the 7th.  God will provide.

Thanks for your prayers and support.

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Stroller Rides and Spanish Lullabies

Josiah was irritable again today.  The nurse said that he's been acting differently these last few days.  He used to wake up happy and settle better after morphine but he's been moaning more.  Usually we've only had to resort to trying a stroller ride in the afternoon but the last two mornings we've put him in the stroller.  I asked the nurse to listen to his chest but his lungs sound clear.  I wonder if he is in pain for some reason.  We may try to get the local nurse practitioner to look at him but I don't imagine she's available on the weekend.

The good news is that he did have a good sleep last night.  We woke up to our 5:40 alarm and I didn't see Josiah awake until I gave him his 6:00 meds and feed.   Isaac also slept until 6:15!  Yeay!

We have a different nurse for tomorrow and Sunday.  We had cancelled Monday and Tuesday of this week so that's why we're having the weekend shifts.  It will be nice to have someone here but it will take some explaining of things.  Hopefully Josiah does well with her.  Thankfully Graham's parents will be with us tomorrow all day to help with Isaac so we can help the nurse when needed.  

My mom came over to help with Isaac this morning and Graham and I napped (I'm extra tired due to my cold and Graham is extra tired as he's been doing the late night feed.)

Isaac also had visitors this afternoon who played with him while we caught a quick nap and attended to Josiah.   Josiah enjoyed some Spanish singing from one of them while Graham, Isaac, and I enjoyed a delicious supper.

Graham and I decided to enjoy an episode of The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency tonight.  It's just finished so it's time for bed.  It's been nice to relax together on the couch. 

Thanks for your prayers and support!  It's great to be able to talk to a God who hears and cares.

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Fragile

I feel under the weather so I'm heading to bed.  Josiah didn't have a great day.  His nurse said he was fragile in the sense that he would wake very easily and start to cry.  We gave him his regular dose of morphine at 6:00 AM and then needed to give him more at 8:00 AM.  

I wondered today if we need to start thinking about subcutaneous morphine as it acts more quickly than oral doses.  It seems to take a good half hour of Josiah crying and moaning for the morphine to kick in.  Now that we don't have the PICC line we don't have an immediate option for the morphine pump. 

Friends came over in the morning and helped with Isaac so I had a nap and then we had a nice visit.  Isaac ended up having a three hour nap so we were able to nap in the afternoon as well.  I was extra tired today.  Other friends brought a delicious dinner.  They had perfect timing as new faces in the house seemed to distract Josiah and he calmed down and fell asleep in his stroller.  The friend who brought the meal supply teaches at a Christian school and she told me that she gives the children updates on Josiah.  She thought over half the school has prayed for Josiah.  That's amazing and very encouraging!

Thanks so much for keeping us in your prayers!  Please pray that Josiah will not catch any sickness.

Blessings,

Elizabeth

P.S. I liked the quotation I read tonight:  "Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles; it takes away today's peace."

  

Staying warm and cozy

I'm cold.  I'm in bed with a hot water bottle at my feet, drinking tea and happy to have fleece pajamas.  I'm hoping that it's just due to the weather outside and not actual sickness.  We're praying for health in this house.  (I hope you grew up with hot water bottles - they're great.)

Josiah had a better day than yesterday.  He slept a lot of the day yesterday as we had to give him five doses of morphine due to laboured breathing between his sleeps.  He just had morphine three times today.  It's nice to see him biting the teethers and toys he received for Christmas.  His favourite thing to gnaw on is the oxygen mask and tubing that we use for his blow by.   

Isaac received some training pants and underpants for Christmas (don't worry - he also received other fun gifts).  Surprisingly he wasn't excited by this gift and wouldn't try them on.  Today while I was changing his diaper I put the training pants on him while he was looking the other way.  Thankfully my plan didn't backfire.  He even agreed to try on the Elmo underpants and then didn't want to take them off.  I believe we're going to have to start using incentives.  He usually doesn't mind going to the potty and he's more patient than Mommy while on the potty but it's not too often that he asks to go there himself.  Perhaps Smarties and Elmo underpants will do the trick. 

Isaac has played with a Noah's Ark with a toucan so that's why he knows the word toucan.  Tonight at dinner he put the end of the orange pepper in his mouth and said, "Toucan" and then started flapping his arms (we're assuming the orange pepper was supposed to be the beak).  He keeps us laughing.  We were explaining the meaning of his name the other day and I think he likes that it means "he will laugh."

Here are two Christmas songs that I enjoy. The first, "Breath of Heaven" reminds me of the pain that Mary must have gone through.  I love the tune of the second song, "The Huron Carol", and it reminds me that the whole world changed for everyone that holy night when Jesus was born.  He was and is a gift to all.  I never want to imagine what my life would be like if I didn't know Jesus or know that I am not alone, that I am loved beyond measure, and so are my boys - forever and ever and ever.  The night can seem long and dark and God can even seem quiet but His Spirit is with me and in me and that makes all the difference (and if I prayed and read the Bible more He might not seem so quiet!)  So many people in the world suffer vastly more than we will ever suffer.  We know joy comes in the morning and we experience joy every day as God opens our eyes to His good gifts ... like well chosen teethers and a BM after three days (Josiah's BM!). 

I hope you know the love, joy, and peace of Jesus.  Thank you for your prayers! 

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Merry Christmas!

We hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!  We enjoyed celebrating God's amazing gifts with our family.  How incredible it is to know that God is always with us and we can know true peace and joy through Jesus.  Here are some photos from the last few days.

Thank you for your prayers and support!

Blessings,

Elizabeth