I've been battling my cold today. I gargled with salt water (advice from my parents and in-laws), I found a great video on-line about self-massage of the lymph system for sinus relief and followed the instructions, I slept and drank lots of water, ate spicy food, bought and used a neti pot, and before I go to bed I will boil ginger and brown sugar as per our nurse's traditional remedy from China. I will be a new woman tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it! In the meantime I'm going through lots of Kleenexes.
When the nurse arrived at 8:00 AM, Graham and I went back to sleep. We must have been tired as my mom and Graham's dad dropped by separately and we slept through both of their visits.
We saw our visiting nurse and our nurse practitioner today. The visiting nurse will return on Wednesday and we'll try to assess if the amount of morphine we're using is sufficient.
We enjoyed a take-out Indian meal with my parents tonight. Josiah slept beside us in his stroller while we ate.
Graham and I watched a tear-jerker YouTube video this afternoon and we cried. We weren't crying for the boy in the video though. I want my son. I want him in 2014. I want him to grow up with Isaac. I want to be his Mommy.
I went to the store this afternoon as I couldn't let the day pass without my neti pot. Looking around, I realized that I just wanted to be home with my son. Yet I hate listening to him moan and I don't want him to live in suffering.
We missed Isaac today but he's in good hands with his grandparents.
I don't do the "Why me, Lord?" That doesn't make sense. My refrain would more likely be, "Why not me, Lord?" However, I do have theological questions that I hope to be able to find time to write about at some point. For now I'll share a quotation written by Ann Voskamp on her blog which resonates with me:
"He came into our stench and sin and suffering and He came into our wounds and touched our wounds and took our wounds, and though Job’s tortured questions were answered only with questions — the mystery of suffering that isn’t ours to know — Job is satisfied because God came. He came – and the God of life tasted death, and the God of reconciliation obliterated the alienation of man by hammering alienation straight into the very heart of God. He came – because in all our pain, we don’t want some answers like we want a Someone. He came – and He cups us in our aloneness and our agony, in our weeping and our wondering, in our howl, “My God, my God, why has thou forsaken us?” – and He whispers, I am Emmanuel, God who is with you."
I'm so thankful that God is with me. I'm thankful that He's with my family and He's with Josiah. I hope you have welcomed Him to be with you too.
If you have prayed for us in 2012, you have blessed us immensely. Thank you and God bless you in 2013!
Blessings,
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth, Graham, Isaac and of course Josiah
ReplyDeleteWe have just read your New Years Eve blog and can’t help but feel our hearts break for you. You sound so tired and am sure your cold is not helping matters.
No doubt at times you both feel your adrenaline running low and coping with everything becomes more difficult. Although in the past few months you had no word from us, we have continued to pray as we followed daily your blog.
All we can do for you is carry you daily in prayer. We have the assurance God Will provide, He hath Promised and He is able, He is in control of everything.
Deuteronomy 33 v27.
Our daughter-in-law Lynsey recently read a book entitled ‘Broken works best’.
She says she thought of you throughout reading it as the author had nursed two very ill children. At one point in her story, the author had been struggling with questions; like you, when a close friend arrived at the hospital. Her friend simply encouraged her to go and have a rest and let her “carry the little one to God in prayer”. This line has stuck with Lynsey and we all promise to continue “carrying” Josiah and you all to our “God in prayer”.
You have a very special little son, who requires special love, but has obviously been given to a very special Mummy and Daddy and brother Isaac for a very special reason.
We send you our love and really do hope you feel better soon and Josiah remains comfortable and in little pain.
We trust that the Lord gives all four of you energy and daily rest as you travel along this journey.
May God bless you in this New Year with Love, Hope and Peace.
Love Uncle Moffitt and Auntie Violet