Escalators

Isaac is hiding from me

The three of us went to a mall today which is a rather rare occurrence.  We wanted to go to Chapters which is part of the mall.  Isaac was quite excited about the escalator.  He travelled up and down with Graham a few times and wants to go back.  Isaac picked a book with Little Critter stories and we were all enjoying the stories tonight.  I was leaning towards him picking "The Little Engine That Could" but he made the right choice.  I just reserved "The Little Engine" at the library.

I heard the baby's heartbeat at my doctor's appointment on Wednesday.  I go for an ultrasound at the end of this month.  I'm feeling good.  Yesterday at lunch Isaac and I were talking about Josiah and the new baby.  Isaac said the new baby would go to heaven but I told him that we're praying that the new baby will be healthy and able to grow up and play with Isaac.  Isaac often reminds me that we were praying for Josiah to learn to crawl, walk, since, dance, and play with Isaac.  I said we'll get to do those things in Heaven. 

I was able to cry at home last Sunday morning so that was nice.  I started by putting on Steven Curtis Chapman's "Beauty Will Rise" cd which are the songs he wrote after his daughter's death.  We've passed the two month mark.  No day feels worse than another for me.  I don't feel much.  I don't know where two months have gone but for both Graham and I it feels like a million years ago when we were last with Josiah. 

On Monday Isaac are I are going to a local farm for a program.  Our session runs for six weeks on Monday mornings.  I think Isaac is going to like the farm.  I don't know what animals they have but I think it's entirely likely that I won't want them too near me so I hope Isaac doesn't pick up on that.

Up high in the combine

Actually, we went to a farm last Sunday and Isaac was able to sit in a combine (we all sat in it).  He also sat in a big truck so he's made lots of progress since we went to the event in June and wouldn't go near the big (or little) trucks.  Mind you, there were a lot of people there and some of the trucks at the event were very noisy.  Noise makes me think of public washrooms.  Whenever I take Isaac into a public washroom he just holds his hands over his ears because he hates the sound of the toilet flushing (he doesn't mind it at home) and he really hates the sound of the loud hand dryers.  I never noticed it before but some of the newer hand dryers that work very well are really far too loud.  We don't use them with Isaac but he knows that in a public washroom you never know when you'll hear a flush or the dryer.  Rest assured he does have to take his hands off of his ears to wash his hands.   

Speaking of the potty, Isaac had regressed in his use of the potty.  From what I've read and heard, this is very normal for what Isaac has gone through in terms of losing his brother and all the changes that have happened.  I think I was being

understanding but I wasn't going to be so forever.  This Mean Momma was about to start taking away toys but I decided I would ask the counsellor first.  When we saw him last week he told me that I shouldn't take away toys and that it would make it worse.  He actually taught about potty training before.  I decided I'd follow his advice for a month.  I armed myself with stickers and educational reward presents from the dollar store.  We talked to Isaac and let him know that this was really normal because of Josiah passing away and that he just needed to relearn to use the potty.  Three days later with no changes I was ready to take away toys again starting this past Monday.  Thankfully for Isaac he decided to start relearning on Monday and he earned his first present.  He's done really well since then and now he's excited to earn his stickers.  There haven't been accidents for a few days.  Praise the Lord!  I still don't think he'll want to ask a stranger (Sunday School teacher) or anyone other than immediate family to take him to the potty but I'm okay with that.  We'll take him before Sunday School begins and hope he lasts (and take a change of clothes).   

Isaac's first potty present

Isaac brought up the name of the volunteer who used to come and see him.  He said he'd like to see her.  I just said that maybe we'd see her one day (maybe we'll see her in a store or something).  I'm thankful that Isaac has a good memory.  I found some stickers in his bag today and I asked him if he knew where they were from.  He said they were from the hospital.  He received these Sesame Street stickers whenever he would leave the playroom at SickKids Hospital.  


I saw someone at the grocery store tonight whom I haven't seen in years.  She asked me how I've been keeping busy.  "Well ...."  I wouldn't have felt right not bringing up Josiah but it's also a little weird telling someone that your baby just passed away. 

I would like to cry and feel more but it might be coming little by little.  Actually, I started crying about something else that I was sad about last week but after two seconds I just changed my thoughts and cried about Josiah instead so it's nice to know that I can do that. 

Thank you so much for your prayers.

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Lamentations 3:22-23 
²² Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.