Swimming Fun

We are at home, nursing our colds.  I wrote the following last night but then I needed to go and stay with Isaac:

Graham is feeling a little under the weather and Isaac is on his second night of Advil for his fever.  I was hoping it would also help him sleep tonight but I've been in and out over and over as he wakes up crying.  Thankfully he falls back to sleep quickly.

I didn't write last week as we were away.  We had an extra long Thanksgiving Weekend as Graham took Tuesday off of work.  We drove to Stittsville on the Friday evening to spend the weekend with my brother's family and my parents.  We arrived around 2:15 AM but thankfully Isaac slept for most of the trip.  We haven't been there for over two years as it didn't seem like a feasible trip with Josiah.  It was nice to be there again and to spend time with family.  Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

Isaac's swimming lessons started tonight (he didn't have a fever earlier today and he seemed alright).  Both he and Graham had fun in the water.  Isaac has been looking forward to it for weeks and then he became nervous this afternoon and said he didn't want to go.  He's looking forward to next week.  I wish we had figured out how to get Josiah into a pool.  It would have been nice to see him there.

I've been reading old blog posts from last October.  It reminded me of what a crazy "ride" we had there (especially for our sweet Josiah).  Sometimes I've thought back to being in the hospital and said that I should have held him more there, etc. but then I read about how unstable he was and how he often wasn't comfortable being held.  How amazing is it that we were able to do all we did with him and have him home for so long, without being intubated or needing IV access.  Thank You Lord!

I'm not "down in the dumps" or anything (though in some ways I wish I were) but I'm less inclined to write and read or talk very much and I don't feel much though I think my fuse is a little shorter than usual.  I'm more tired.  I find it harder to remember little things.  I was hoping it was getting easier to cry but it hasn't been easy of late.  I was able to cry the other day when I thought about how we didn't really get to say good-bye to Josiah while he was still with us and neither did Isaac.  Perhaps this is a blessing but I'm really big on saying goodbye.  He was gone before we knew what was happening.  By God's grace both Graham and I had a little alone time with Josiah that final morning and I sang his songs to him.

Actually, I have been reading true stories written by people who have gone through similar experiences.  It's interesting to read the different perspectives from those who consider their baby a gift from God and those who never consider God.  We would never give up those months with Josiah and we thank God for those days with him. 

I realized at the group session last week how different this would be if we didn't have Isaac.  I don't have an option to not get out of bed or not make him meals or just think about Josiah and spend time mentally processing this.  On the other hand, Isaac regularly brings up Josiah, quite a lot in the last week actually.  He still talks about wanting to go to the hospital to see Josiah.  He also wants to go to the playroom there.

For the first time, Isaac told us that his stuffed animal died "because he ate nine chocolate cakes."  We just let him talk and process but the next night he talked about children dying at a park for the same reason so I let him know that people would just get sick from eating that much cake and they might have to go to the hospital.  He assured me that the people had died. 

Isaac told his grandmother this week that he would have an extra candle on his birthday cake for Baby Josiah.  He also found a 1-year old sticker for his growth chart and wanted to put it on Josiah's wall because he was 1 year old.  Isaac likes to tell me that Josiah will run after him in Heaven and tickle him and they will laugh and laugh. 

We made Isaac a cake for being a "Potty Expert" as that is what he requested when we started retraining.  "Expert" might be a little hopeful but he's doing really well.  I asked him if he wanted to see the cake rising in the oven.  He told me it was a "Jesus Cake" as it was "rising."  Isaac's favourite name is "Bingo" so whenever he makes us a story or I ask for a name, he says, "Bingo."

We stopped at a mall so that Isaac could use the toilet on the way back from Stittsville (he told us when we were in the Express Lane on the 401 but thankfully there was a mall at the next exit and he was able to hold it.)  I put him down when we arrived at the escalator and said that Daddy would hold his hand.  He later said to me on two occasions, "When I'm bigger and Daddy is smaller I'll hold his hand on the escalator."  He is a sweet boy.

Thank you for your prayers!  The last farm program is tomorrow so I hope we're able to go.  We're going to miss it.

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Psalm 65:9
Our lives are in His hands, and He keeps our feet from stumbling.

I like this song by Natalie Grant (In The End):