Know fully

Isaac dressed as a duckling

In the car on the way home tonight Isaac said to me, "I have a sweet tooth.  Be careful Mommy.  I'm going to eat you."

I was able to cry this week.  It's been a while.  I was thinking about the fact that while I will definitely see Josiah again, he won't be the Josiah I held close and sang to on the morning of July 6, shortly before he died.  I realize that when I see Josiah I won't care about the fact that he's not an oxygen-deprived, blue, scarred, delayed 14-month old beautiful baby ... but in my present reality that's not necessarily a happy thought as I want my baby again.  I want to be his Mommy.  There is a loss.  There are things that will never be again.

1 Corinthians 13:12 tells us: "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  So yes, I do believe that being with Christ and knowing fully will mean that I will have full and complete joy as well ... but for now I need to grieve my losses.  However, I am thankful that we do not "sorrow as others who have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13). 

I'm perusing a book from the library:  When the Bough Breaks: forever after the death of a son or daughter.  Graham read this quotation to me from the book:  "This grief, Theodore realized, was one of the few separating things in their life together.  ... He learned then about the isolation of grief, even for those in the same grief.  Grief can't be shared.  Every one carries it alone, his own burden, his own way." (Page 101)  Some research shows that "for fathers, grief seems to decline much more rapidly than for mothers.  Grief tends to be particularly intense for mothers two years after the death, although this will diminish after more time has passed." (Page 108) Another bereavement researcher says, "The death of a child has a paradoxical effect on the relationship between the parents.  The shared loss creates a new and very profound tie between them at the same time the individual loss each of them feels creates an estrangement in the relationship.  The paradox of a new bond amidst estrangement is a central theme in the marital relationships among bereaved parents." (Page 122)  I think Graham and I have both been open and honest about where we're at in terms of our grief so that has helped us a lot, along with God's abundant grace and comfort.

Isaac's had a haircut

It's past my bedtime.

Thanks for your prayers!

Blessings,
Elizabeth


1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.
For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words.