No baby yet

Isaac in the fire engine

No baby yet!   On Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I actually felt quite uncomfortable with a lot of pelvic discomfort, especially when getting up and down and those first few steps when walking.  I was a little shocked.  If this is how some women feel most of the time, I now understand why they'd want labour to arrive as soon as possible.  Thankfully I was back to normal on Thursday and I'm feeling good.

Today was another productive day.  Thankfully our home is quite a bit cleaner than it was yesterday.  Isaac had a Daddy Date this morning.  They went out for breakfast and then had a walk in the cemetery followed by a trip to the library.  Graham worked on our income tax papers this afternoon. 

Isaac in the back seat of the fire engine

Last Monday, on Family Day, we were all able to enjoy a birthday party for one of Isaac's friends.  We had a good time visiting a local fire station followed by some yummy food at our friends' home, including an impressive fire engine cake.

Often Isaac will ask me a question and I'll let him know that we can "look up" the answer (referring to Google).  On the way home from church last week we had this conversation in the car:
Isaac: "I looked up 'thrice' and it said 'three times.'"
Mommy: "Where did you look it up?"
Isaac: "I just looked it up in my head.  My brain put it in my head."  

During one bath time this week Graham said to Isaac: "The soap helps us say to the dirt, "See you later.""  Isaac responded, "But if we say, 'See you later,' the dirt will come back."

I was able to have coffee with a friend this week.  I'm enjoying the freedom while I still have it.  I plan and hope to nurse the baby on demand for quite a while so I expect that will limit my evening outings (that along with the anticipated exhaustion).

One of my dear sister-in-laws blessed us with cloth diapers that arrived in the mail this week.  I'm excited to start that again.  We used cloth diapers for Isaac but not for Josiah.  

It's time to head to bed.  Thanks for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

P.S. We're praying for an uncle with some health challenges tonight.  

Exodus 31:3
And I have filled him with the Spirit of God, in wisdom, in understanding, in knowledge, and in all manner of workmanship,

Getting ready

Ready for a "grassy day"

It's been a productive day.  We now have an infant car seat in the car, the crib monitor is set up, and there are a number of items packed in a suitcase along with a list of things to add when the time is right.  While I'm happy to wait another couple of weeks for Baby Faulkner to arrive, it's nice to feel that we have the basics covered in terms of our readiness.  Baby Faulkner is kicking me as I type so he may well be anticipating some more elbow room.

Graham's parents visited with us this afternoon and helped watch Isaac and put a bookcase together with Graham for Isaac's room.  That meant that Isaac's smaller bookcase could be moved back to the baby's room which means that I now have a place to put a glass of water while I'm nursing the baby at night.

Last Sunday Isaac did not want to go to church because he didn't want to go to Sunday School.  This is odd for him.  It took a few tries to get the real reason but finally on the way to church he said that his teachers tell him to "jump and sing."  Graham said right away that he doesn't have to do this and that we'd speak with his lovely teachers.  I am well aware from going with Isaac to the library program that he does not want to jump up and down, even though I encourage him to do so.  I'm thankful that he was able to articulate his concerns. 

When we were walking into church last week, Isaac said, "I want it to be a grassy day." (as opposed to a snowy day).  I wouldn't be opposed to a grassy day. 

Josiah's snowy plot

We went to the cemetery last week but Isaac fell asleep in the car and there was lots of snow so Graham just took a few photos and I just stood by the car briefly. 

Isaac came into our room one morning around 6:30 when he's allowed to get up.  He went to Graham's side of the bed and said, "I'm checking if you're available Daddy."  He really wanted to know if Graham's iPod was available so that he could play Endless Alphabet.  We sometimes let him play the game between us in the bed if it will give us a few more minutes of rest. 

Memorizing verses with Isaac is good for me.  He chose the 'D' verse last week:  "Do all things without complaining and disputing" from Philippians 2:14.  I need that reminder.

Surprising Graham at his office

I hope you had a Happy Valentine's Day.  Isaac said that I have four Valentines:  Daddy, Isaac, Josiah in heaven, and Baby-on-the-way.  I'm a blessed woman!  On Thursday I told Isaac that I would take him out for a treat for Valentine's Day.  He asked if Daddy could be there so that gave me the idea of surprising Graham at work.  I made some squares in the morning and then we went to Graham's office for our treat.  I prayed that he would be there and it worked out well.  We had our treat and then he went to a meeting.

I decided to take Isaac out for lunch.  I've wanted to do something special with just him before the baby arrives and I know he enjoys restaurants.  On the way to this surprise, I told him that he was Mommy's date.  (Background information:  He says that I can't eat him all up but that I am allowed to nibble on him).  After I told him that he was my date, he responded, "I'm your date because you nibble on me" (referring to the edible date, of course).  He then told me that he was a cupcake with dates and chocolate chips but that I couldn't eat the chocolate chips because they were sour.  I'm quite sure he just wanted all the chocolate chips to himself.  He told me the other day that I couldn't have a bite of his cookie because it was too sweet for me.  I had told him previously that I needed to watch what sweet things I eat.      

Mommy's little Valentine

It was really nice to be out with Isaac.  He was well behaved and a pleasure to be with.  As it was when Josiah arrived, it will be a transition going from one boy to two and having to share my time.  At least I know it will be a challenge this time in terms of missing one-on-one time.  And of course, Josiah's needs were very different and Isaac is that much older so it will be a new experience.

I almost forgot to mention that Isaac is now registered for junior kindergarten, though we won't decide until August if or how often we want him to attend.  He doesn't turn four until December and I'll be at home so I can watch him with his brother.  On the other hand, I think he'll love school after he gets accustomed to it.  After this March Break we are welcome to go to the school and take out a couple of books from the library each week.    

Mommy's delicious date

It's not hard for either Graham or I to look at Josiah's lovely photos.  In some ways I wish that it were harder and brought tears.  I would love to have photos of Josiah all around me but the ones in the larger photo frames that we used for the visitation and funeral are sitting on the floor in the corner of our room.  I finally put some photos in a photo box in our living room.  I'm always conscious of how Isaac might feel about having lots of Josiah's photos around.  Eventually we'll have some sort of wooden memory box or a piece of furniture to have some of Josiah's items accessible to the boys and us.  Right now we have two Rubbermaid bins in the basement with lots of Josiah's papers and odds and ends.  The clothes and most or all of the toys will be used by the new baby.  Eventually we'll also make a photobook and books of the blog, though I'll add photos and a few other things to the archives first.   I think those will be very meaningful to have at hand and for the boys to have. 

Alright, it's nearly time for bed.  Of the three boys, I'm most nervous about this labour.  I think with Isaac it was all new and I didn't have a clue what to expect in terms of pain.  With Josiah I think we were so focused on Josiah's challenges and all the unknowns that went along with him that I didn't think much about labour.  This time I have time to think ... and pray.  Thank you for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

John 15:14,17
¹⁴ You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. ... ¹⁷ These things I command you, that you love one another.

Anticipatory grief

Isaac likes making French toast

There's not a whole lot to say, given that I wrote just a few days ago.  I've had some nice visits with friends this week.  I'm now having weekly appointments with my OB and those are going well.  Baby Faulkner is due three weeks tomorrow.  While we know that God has perfect timing, we're also letting Him know that we don't mind waiting for three more weeks. 

I had a florentine cookie today that I think might be from Costco - very yummy! 

We're still looking at baby names and trying to make a decision.  Isaac likes the saying, "Good plan Stan." (he responds by saying, "I'm not Stan.") so I joked that we should call the baby Stan and he thought that would be a good idea. 

The book, "When the Bough Breaks: forever after the death of a son or daughter" talks about sudden vs anticipated death.  In a sense, Josiah's death was both.  It was definitely sudden and we didn't expect it then but we had been told that he would die (due to another cause, still related to his heart) and we also knew that it could happen at any time from his birth onwards and we had certainly thought it might happen at various times.  The author writes, "the reality of the possibility of losing this child is never far from consciousness.  These parents have some chance to prepare.  Throughout the treatment and throughout the hope grieving continues.  This "anticipatory grief," as it is called is what changes the course of mourning after death.  Part of the grief-work has been done."  I remember reading in a magazine about heart parents (and I'm sure parents with children who have other diseases) having "chronic grief" (or something like that).  That  being said, we're certainly not finished grieving. 

It didn't work out to go to the cemetery today so we hope to go tomorrow afternoon. 

Thank you for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

No longer a heart mom

Isaac and Daddy time

One of my friends saw that I hadn't posted on the blog and wondered if I had gone into premature labour so I thought I'd better write.  No, thankfully the baby is still inside me.  We were in Listowel for the weekend and I wasn't able to post Saturday evening.

Isaac saw me crying today.  He was having his quiet time in his room and I was watching a couple of Youtube videos about heart moms and heart babies and remembering what Josiah went through.  (One of the songs talked about always being a heart mom and showed many photos of heart babies in the hospital looking just like Josiah looked.  I'm not a heart mom any more.)  Isaac decided to come out to the living room.  I'm not sure if Isaac has seen me crying before because the tears don't come when he's there.  I tell him that I cry for Josiah but I think it's good that he could see me.  I hugged him and he told me that he cries for Baby Josiah.  Later at the dinner table he said he wanted to visit the cemetery.  We'll try to go there this weekend.   He told my mom this afternoon that his room used to be Josiah's room and he was quite happy about that.

One of Isaac's Christmas books has a Bible verse and story for each letter of the alphabet so we've started memorizing them.  I make up a song for the verse and text.  It's quite easy for each of us to memorize the verse, except that I keep forgetting my tunes and that gets a little confusing.  I of course wanted to do the verses in order from A to Z.  Thankfully I'd just read about not being so controlling in my parenting so I decided to let it go.  We started with 'A', then 'C', and now we're doing 'Z'.  

The nursery is basically ready.  The clothes and blankets have been washed and put away and I even have a diaper bag ready to go.  I haven't packed my own bag yet but I have a basic list and a little pile of items.  I finally threw away all of Josiah's syringes and various other odds and ends. 

I saw one of Josiah's nurses in the grocery store the other day.  It was lovely to see her.

I just received a notice in the mail to let me know that Josiah's health card is going to expire in April.  It sounds like I might have to apply for a death certificate in order to let this part of the government know that he has died.  

It's been far too long since I read the Bible systematically.  It's so nice to be in the Word again.  I've been doing a one-year plan since the beginning of January but we'll see if that's still feasible after the baby arrives. I feel like I'm in a race against time to see how much I can accomplish and get sorted before the baby arrives.

Thanks for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.