Happy 2nd birthday Josiah!

Happy 2nd birthday Josiah!  (I wanted to write this on his actual birthday - the 13th - but Kohen wouldn't let me put him down until after midnight.

We had a good day together as a family.  Graham made us breakfast and later we went to the cemetery with a few flowers and balloons.  Isaac wanted to keep his balloon but we wrote messages on balloons from Graham, Kohen, and me and then released them.  In memory of Ronald McDonald House we picked up some food from McDonalds (I had a salad) and then Isaac put Smarties on the birthday cake I made which we ate for dessert.  I

asked Isaac what he would like to give to Josiah for his birthday if he were with us.  He said, "A new toy; a garbage truck."  Then I asked him what he missed most about Josiah.  He answered, "I just really miss - (pause while thinking) - him.  I hope he gets better soon."

Isaac told Graham that he'd had a dream in which Jesus was holding a nest.  In the nest there was a baby cardinal but the cardinal was blue.  This made me think of Josiah as he was a blue baby.  Hearing that dream was a nice little gift from God today.

I was hoping to feel some pain and cry today (yesterday) but I also knew that it probably wouldn't happen as I think I generally need to be alone to access my feelings (and/or find something else that's sad to cry about) and these days with Kohen I am rarely alone.  I'm also getting a little more sleep and my hormones are probably back to normal so I'm also less likely to cry.  It doesn't fail to amaze me that people seem surprised that I want to cry and that I believe I also "should" cry in the sense that it's good for me to do so and I'm able to access pain when I do so.  I believe the pain is there - it's just down deep.  The only response I can think of when people suggest that I shouldn't want to cry is to ask them to pretend they were in my shoes and didn't feel pain and didn't miss their child after he/she died. 

Last Monday a paediatrician clipped Kohen's tongue-tie.  He also had thrush in his mouth as well as a diaper rash from yeast so he was on gentian violet this week that made it look like he had been eating blueberries.  This is very messy stuff.  He's on probiotics now as well.  The nurse practitioner said he has yeast all through his system which would give him lots of gas.  The medicines and/or clipping seem to be helping him to be a little calmer in the evening.

Graham has incredible colleagues!  They went to SupperWorks this week and made us 12 meals!!! 

What an incredible blessing!  We'll have our first one tomorrow night.  I'm not going to use them on the weekends as we're both at home.  I'll space them out to use on the extra crazy days. 

We ordered the gravestone this week.  We'll be contacted in about a month to start working on the design.  I learned this week that no copyright is needed to put things on gravestones. 

Josiah's death certificate and Kohen's birth certificate arrived the same day. 

Thank you for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Psalm 40:3
He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
    and put their trust in the Lord.