One month old!

Kohen is one month old today.  He had his first visit to the library, though he slept the whole time.  The four of us walked there and back this afternoon.  Kohen visited the doctor on Friday and I'm happy to report that he is growing well. 

It was lovely to enjoy some nicer weather this week.  Isaac, Kohen and I searched for and found lots of ducks and mud puddles three days in a row.  I took the stroller out the first day but Kohen was in the wrap for the other walks.  I have a large coat that fits around both of us and keeps us warm. 

It's been a week of visitors.  We've enjoyed having friends and family over each day. 

Kohen seems to have decided that his main fussy period each day will be during the evening.  He seems to be able to calm down and have his last feed around 10:00 PM and then I can put him in his crib.  I had either forgotten about fussy periods or I blocked them out.  According to various websites, his fussiness will peak in a couple of weeks and then decrease until he's around three months old.  That's definitely something to be thankful for!  I don't think Josiah had the energy to sustain long fussy periods.  I do remember us taking turns in the evenings walking Isaac throughout the house when he was a small baby but in general I think he was easier.  

I have also been crying more and thinking about Josiah.  I needed Graham's handkerchief (I think I just this moment learned that this word has a 'd' in it) the last two Sundays.  There's usually a song that includes something about death or the resurrection that sets me off.  There's one that we played during Josiah's funeral that says, in Jesus, "death has lost its sting."  I like the song but I'm not so sure about the accuracy of this line.  Death has indeed lost its power because of what Jesus accomplished on the cross and in His resurrection, and we need not fear death, but death still has a sting and when I cry for my Josiah, I feel it. 

My thoughts have gone to the 'what ifs'.  What if we'd called 911 earlier?  I believe this was God's timing but I still need to let my brain process this and ask these questions.  I wonder when the moment was when he died.  When did he see Jesus?  They started CPR to keep his heart going in the ambulance so maybe that's when he "really" died.  To most it doesn't matter of course but I'd like to think (as most of my brain tells me) that he wouldn't have had any knowledge of all that went on in that ER room to try to save his life.  I wonder about his pain and his fear that morning.  We had no idea what was coming.  "What would I have said to you, Josiah, as I held and cuddled you in the chair if I'd known they would be my last words?  I sang songs to you.  I hope it brought you some comfort.  I'm sorry we didn't know."   

Usually each day, a character that Isaac makes up dies.  He talks about missing Josiah. 

I need to sleep, hopefully before Kohen wakes up, so I'll say goodnight.  Thanks so much for your prayers!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Philippians 4:13
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.  [I need this reminder these days!]