Time to process

I'm getting out of practice.  Graham actually reminded me that it was the night to post.

Looking back at the week I see I've been quite successful at keeping myself busier than I should be if I want to spend time processing Josiah's death.  I made a couple of new recipes, I tidied up and took a number of things to the Salvation Army thrift store, I read some blogs and sometimes slept when Isaac slept.  I read.  I thought today that this is my chance to do things and have freedom that I haven't had for a while and won't have in the same way when the baby arrives.  Then I thought that this timing is probably a gift so that I do have time to process and grieve the best I can before the baby comes.  I need to prioritize what I do and at least spend some time each day just thinking about Josiah or writing about him or sitting in his room, etc.  It is very nice to have a tidier house though. 

We finally decided to become GPS owners.  My parents are to blame as they recently purchased one and they lent it to us for our holiday and I also used it this week to go somewhere.  So, I researched ratings and found the one we wanted on sale and purchased it.  It's so tempting to find ways to spend money (and there are always ways).  It's like I want to come up with a problem that I can then solve by buying something (this process keeps my mind occupied for some time and I start to think that I really need said item or that said item will really help us ... when I know full well that no item will change our life or solve the real issue and hidden ache - though the banana guard has proven to be a good purchase.)

Graham and I went out for dinner on Thursday night and then we painted the mugs we made on our anniversary at the pottery studio.  I should be able to pick them up next week.  I love the Indian restaurant in Guelph that we have now been to twice. 

This week I finally threw out the last syringes we used that final morning to give Josiah his meds.  Yes, it's a little ridiculous that it's taken me this long and also kind of gross.  We went to the cemetery tonight. The grass is mainly green again on Josiah's grave so it looks better.  Isaac likes to help Graham water it.  This is a photo that Graham took at the cemetery last week.  This evening I reread a number of the early July posts and the comments that people sent.  That helped me to cry a little tonight.  

Graham hasn't been sleeping well so we could use some prayer for that.  I've also had some discomfort in my left wrist and my left knee so I'm hoping it's short-term. 

Isaac is doing pretty well.  He tells me he's sad because Baby is in Heaven.  He also has a new water bottle because he bit through the soft top of his last cup.  He tells me twice a day (nap time and bed time) that he's sad because he wants his water cup.  He also says that he's happy that he has a new water bottle.  I've actually been wondering if his old cup is bad for his teeth so Mommy is also happy with his new water bottle. 

When we were on holiday we went out for breakfast one day.  When we were in the car driving away, Isaac said, "Chicks come from eggs.  We had eggs."  He is Mr. Observant.   

I almost forgot to write about Isaac's exciting trip yesterday.  He went on his first "City bus" with Daddy to his work and then he went to Daddy's office.  He was a little nervous about going on the bus but he was excited to tell me about it and he kept repeating the noise the bus makes when the doors open (he doesn't like loud noises).  This is a photo of Graham and Isaac before they got on the bus.  I drove and picked Isaac up. 

I just learned about a website that I'm hoping will help me be a much better Household Manager.  I'm afraid I'm not a good cleaner but I have high hopes that the daily task this website tells me to do will help me develop great new habits.  I'm writing this to try to stay accountable.  My sink is clean and I need to wipe it out every time I use it and put my dish drying rack away.  I'm good for Day 1.  Of course the big thing is trying to deal with the clutter but one day at a time.    

Thank you for your prayers! 

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Psalm 116:1-2
I love the Lord, because He has heard My voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.