A good week

It's been a good week.  I needed to look at my calendar to remember what I had done.  I spent time with some friends; I baked squares; my cousin who lives in Switzerland treated me to lunch; I was able to see my aunt and uncle who now live only an hour away (I grew up with one aunt, uncle, and cousin in Canada and they always lived about four hours away); Graham, Isaac, and I went out for yummy schwarma; Isaac was able to see all of his grandparents; and I've finally given away the box of diapers we bought just before Josiah passed away (I didn't have an inner need to keep them, it's just another thing I didn't get around to doing until this week).

I should have noted in the post last week that we're not concerned with how Isaac is processing Josiah's death.  In fact, we are happy that he brings up Josiah.  Our counsellor thought it was great that he is having fantasies about being with Josiah.  This week I was at a store with Isaac and I put him in one of those shopping carts in which there is a steering wheel for him to use.  There are actually two steering wheels.  He told me that Josiah was sitting beside him and he kept bringing him up.  After about ten minutes he said, "I miss Baby Josiah."

One night this week Graham was out at a meeting when I was putting Isaac to bed (we usually tag team).  After praying with Isaac I asked him if he wanted me to sing to him or just say good-night.  He wanted me to tell him stories like Daddy.  I told him that Daddy would tell him stories the following night.  Isaac replied that he would teach me how to tell stories like Daddy.  So, he started off a story about Isaac and a wolf and then after a couple of sentences he said, "It's your turn."  Isaac seems to like teaching.  He's excited about what he'll teach his new "brother on the way". 

One night this week I was reading back in the blog from Josiah's last days of June through to the middle of July.  I had realized when we found out that I was pregnant that one reason we didn't get the B&B room I wanted in June was so that I would not be in a jacuzzi ("they" say not to go in jacuzzis when you are pregnant) but looking back at the blog and pictures I also realize that we went to a toy store that night and bought toys for the boys that we wouldn't have bought had we been able to stay at the B&B.  One of those toys brought both Josiah and Isaac lots of joy and we like remembering Josiah's laughter when we make noise with it even now.  We had those toys just one week before Josiah passed away. 

Tonight I've spent time looking at photos of Josiah from his birth until he passed away. I was reminded of those first precious three and a half months at home.  They were still challenging months, especially with his reflux (I have a much better appreciation for nursing mothers dealing with a baby's reflux - it's very stressful when you want and need to feed your child).  I was reminded again of what a different baby Josiah was before and after his surgeries.  I recognized the immense trauma that Josiah went through to some extent (I think I was immune to this when we were at the hospital).  His precious body went through a war.  It's just so wonderful and incredible that we were able to take him home and we had him there with us for over seven months and he improved so much (in some ways).  We thank God for these incredible gifts.  I'm so thankful that Isaac has good memories of his brother and that we have pictures of the boys together. 

Last Sunday, November 24 on our drive home from church I was asking Isaac about his Sunday School lesson.  It was about Elisha and his helper who "couldn't see God" as Isaac explained it.  Isaac said that God was always around us.  We chatted about this and then I asked him where Jesus lives.  He said in Heaven and I told him that Jesus can also live inside us.  We talked about what this means (because he first told me that Jesus doesn't live inside people) and then when we arrived home he said, "I don't want Jesus to live inside me."  We left it at that.  Later that night after Graham told Isaac some stories, Isaac said, "Jesus doesn't live in me."  Graham talked to Isaac about this and asked Isaac if he wanted to pray with him to ask Jesus to "live in his heart."  Isaac said he wanted to pray with Graham to ask Jesus to live inside him.  He prayed after Graham.  For months and months Isaac has refused to pray at any meals or before bed (he closes his eyes and puts his hands together but he won't actually pray himself like he used to when he was younger).  It was quite significant to me that he actually wanted to say words to God himself.  He still doesn't want to pray now but he's been happy to tell people that he prayed with his Daddy.  First he was saying that he "asked Jesus into his tummy" but now he says "heart."  I wasn't in the room with them so they came and Isaac told me what he'd done and then he said that he would be baptized to follow Jesus.  We'll be waiting a while before that happens but I'm excited that he'll be able to see a baptismal service at the end of December at our church.   

Thank you for your prayers!  Neither Graham nor I slept well last night.  I decided to get up at 5:00 to read so I'm hoping we sleep better tonight.

Blessings,

Elizabeth

John 17:22 (Jesus praying)
I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one.  I am in them and you are in me.  May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.

Romans 5:5
And this hope will not lead to disappointment.  For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.