Tired

I was very tired today.  When I'm tired, I'm more emotional.  The tears came a couple of times as I thought of Josiah and held him in my arms.  There is always hope.  If God does decide to take my sweet boy to be with Jesus, I don't want to spend his final moments and days just wishing for a different way.  I want to tell Josiah of the amazing God whom He will meet and how he won't know pain or oxygen hunger or NG tubes or face tape ever again.  I want to thank God for the amazing gift of Josiah.  

I had a lunch date with Graham today while Isaac was with my parents.  We went to a Thai restaurant we haven't been to before.  It was nice to be together (it was a little nicer after I had eaten something as I get a little grumpy on an empty stomach).    

Josiah had extra morphine today.  His favourite times of the day seem to be when he wakes up (especially if it is the middle of the night), when he is eating at the kitchen table, and when he is sleeping in his grandparents' arms - often in the late afternoon.

I had a nice little gift last night.  I heard Josiah's alarm go off so I went to his room while he was having his late night feed.  I think the problem was something to do with his heart rate.  Anyway, for some reason his oxygen sats were high.  They actually rose to 87  with an apparently good signal for about three minutes before they sank again to 65.  It was just really nice to see.  Thanks Lord! 

I trust God.  I believe I find it quite easy to trust Him.  I know He is in control and loves me and my family and will bring good out of bad.  I know He is able to heal, though I don't know the bigger picture that Josiah's story plays into and I don't know the plans and purposes that are being accomplished.  God will be glorified in this situation and I want Him to be.  However, this doesn't mean that I know God to the extent that I would like to know Him or that I love Him in the way that I want to love Him.  My trust in Him may make it appear that I am closer than I am.

It's time to say goodnight.  Thank you so much for your prayers and support.  Your love makes a difference!

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Ephesians 5:1-2
Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.  Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ.  He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.