Thinking

I went to bed early last night.  I put the light off, closed my eyes, ... and started to think.  Sleep comes quickly at 12:45 AM but at 9:15 PM the thoughts come - the thoughts that are either deep inside or just below the surface - the ones I keep at bay with Isaac, dishes, meds, visitors, music, anything but cleaning.  It's probably good for me to try to process this reality we're living.  After Graham came to bed and fell asleep I started looking at photos on the iPod.  It's remarkably easy to go through the day and not think and not feel pain.  God, what are you going to ask of us?  This isn't supposed to make sense.  It can't make sense.  I can't make the logic argument for a suffering baby bringing glory to God.  However, I do know that God brings good out of bad, that God is good, He's in control, He loves us, and I can trust Him.  That's all I know and  I can rest in that knowledge even in times of pain and loss.  I'm speaking in faith to some extent as I haven't walked this particular journey before but God has never failed me.    

Family and friends came by today.  It's really nice to see people again.  Graham had a meeting to attend tonight so it was great to have a friend over to keep me company and help with Isaac.

I realized today that Josiah's picc line was not heplocked yesterday due to some miscommunication.  It's supposed to be done every twenty-four hours.  Thankfully the line flushed well when the nurse came today.  There was some bleeding at the site of the line so the nurse changed the dressing again. 

The dietician came this morning.  Josiah lost weight over the last week and a half so we're  increasing his feeds and we'll see if he tolerates it both by not having reflux issues and not becoming puffy.

The last couple of mornings Josiah has woken up around 4:00 AM.  Although it's a tad early, he smiles at me then and this morning he cooed and was clearly amused by the puppets on his DVD.  It's the happiest I see him all day so I don't want to miss it.  I would love to figure out how to help him be happier throughout the day.

We've noticed Josiah coughing a little last night and today.  I forgot to ask the nurse to listen to his chest.  The physiotherapist is coming tomorrow morning so I hope Josiah is in good form to work hard.  I'd love to see some progression in his physical abilities.

It's time to lay my head on my pillow.  Thank you for your prayers and support!

Blessings,

Elizabeth