Long day

It's been a productive day but it's been long.  My sister-in-law helped me with some shopping.  I was good until I walked into a children's store and tried to find something that I might want Josiah to wear.  A mother shouldn't have to pick out clothes for her baby to wear in a casket.  I can't try three outfits and see which one I like the best.  I just left the store.  I have nonsensical thoughts like, "I don't want him to be cold or hot."  I don't want his body to be there period.  I have no idea how I'll react when I see his body for the first time since Saturday.  I don't know what he will look like.  I wonder how confusing this will be for Isaac.  The thought of this just made me cry.  We need wisdom.

Whenever I used to think about visitations they seemed to me to be the worst type of event for people in grief.  "Let's make those sad people dress up, stand up, and shake hands over and over and over."  However, I now see it in the context of community and I think it will be good to see people who know us and care for us and want to offer their condolences. 

I think the way it was done when my Grandpa in Northern Ireland passed away 18 years ago was beautiful.  Perhaps it's a glorified memory of my youth but my Grandpa's body never left the home until the pallbearers walked his casket down the farm lane with the family walking behind.  Shortly after his death people just started showing up and visiting with my Grandma while she sat on a couch.  All the family was together and children ran in and out of rooms, including the room with my Grandpa's body.  I hope my memory is close to what happened!

We learned this morning that The Waterloo Region Record waived its fee for Josiah's obituary and sent their condolences through the funeral director.  That was so kind! 

I have now cancelled all of Josiah's appointments including a hearing test, a visit with an optometrist, and his GP as he was going to get the chicken pox shot next week.  Our GP called today after he heard what had happened and wanted to know how Graham and I are doing.  He's very kind.  All of Josiah's doctors have sent their condolences.

Isaac told Graham this morning that he wanted Josiah to come and eat breakfast.  He also told me that he wanted to go to heaven and fly in heaven (and also drive in the sky).  Isaac saw a cast of Josiah's foot and he told me with a smile that Josiah can walk now. 

I look at his photos and think, "How can he possibly just be a picture now?"  (I know he's not just a picture!)  Sometimes the thoughts come:  "What if I'd done this or that ... would he still be here?"  I know these are not helpful and I remind myself of God's timing.  

Graham's side of the family hung out at our home this afternoon and helped out with various things. 

Thank you so much for your prayers.  We need them.  These next couple of days are going to be long and they will fly by.  We need God's strength and peace and comfort.  We know He will provide.

Blessings,

Elizabeth

Romans 8:38-39
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.